Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist · AASECT Certified Sex Therapist · Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Couples Therapy After Infidelity in Massachusetts
Online Couples Therapy After Infidelity, Betrayal, and Affairs Throughout Massachusetts via Secure Telehealth
If you’re the partner who was betrayed…
Last weekend, you and your partner had a surprisingly good time together. Maybe you went out to dinner, spent an afternoon doing something you both enjoy, or stayed home and laughed together for the first time since discovering the affair.
For a few hours, you felt close to your partner again. You enjoyed being together without thinking constantly about what happened. You may have even caught yourself imagining that your relationship could recover.
Then something reminded you of the affair.
Maybe your partner mentioned a coworker, received a message on their phone, or told you they needed to stay late at work. Perhaps you were watching television together when a character discovered their partner was cheating. Or you remembered something about the affair while doing something completely unrelated.
Suddenly, you have questions again.
You want to know whether your partner has heard from the affair partner, whether they’ve told you everything, or whether something they said during the affair was another lie. You may want to look at their phone or ask them to explain where they were earlier that day.
Your partner may have been making a genuine effort to be transparent. They’ve answered questions, shared information, and tried to show you that the affair is over. But knowing those things doesn’t necessarily stop you from feeling frightened when something reminds you of what happened.
You might feel confused by your own reactions. How could you have such a wonderful weekend together and then feel this uncertain about your relationship on Monday? Does needing reassurance again mean you aren’t making progress? Were those good moments even real if the pain could return so quickly?
You may also hate that you need to ask questions or check information in the first place. Before the affair, you didn’t think twice when your partner said they were running late or received a message from someone. You believed them without needing proof.
Now even ordinary situations can bring back the realization that your partner was once doing things you knew nothing about.
Sometimes you tell your partner what you’re worried about, and they reassure you. Other times, they become frustrated. They remind you that they’ve already answered your questions, that they’ve been honest since the affair ended, or that you had such a good weekend together.
What began as a request for reassurance turns into another argument. Your partner feels accused, and you feel confused about why asking them a reasonable question would be upsetting.
You may start hesitating before bringing up the affair, wondering whether your partner will become defensive again. But keeping your questions to yourself doesn’t make the concerns disappear. It just leaves you trying to manage them alone.
If your partner gets upset whenever you need reassurance, how are you supposed to rebuild trust with them?
You’re not trying to punish your partner or undo the progress you’ve made. You want to feel comfortable trusting them again, and you need to know that they’ll be willing to answer your questions and help you through difficult moments, even when they thought things were going well.
If you’re the unfaithful partner…
You’ve ended the affair, and you want to repair your relationship. You’ve been answering questions, making an effort to be more transparent, and trying to show your partner that you’re committed to rebuilding trust.
Lately, there have been some encouraging moments.
You went out together and had a wonderful evening. Maybe you laughed about something that happened at work, made plans for the weekend, or spent time together without discussing the affair. For a little while, you felt like you were enjoying each other’s company again.
You were relieved. After weeks or months of difficult conversations, you hoped those moments meant your partner was beginning to trust you.
Then something happened that reminded them of the affair.
They wanted to know who had sent you a message, why you were late getting home, or whether you’d told them everything about the relationship you had with the other person.
You answered their questions, but you may have felt discouraged. You thought things were getting better. Now your partner seems as hurt and uncertain as they were weeks ago, and you don’t understand what changed.
You may feel ashamed when you see how much pain your choices continue to cause. You know you’re responsible for the affair, and you want your partner to believe that you’re being honest now. But sometimes you struggle with the feeling that nothing you do will ever be enough.
Perhaps you say, “I thought we were doing so well,” or remind your partner of the good weekend you just had.
You mean it as reassurance. You want them to remember that you can still enjoy being together. But your partner may hear something different: that because you had a good weekend, they shouldn’t need to talk about the affair anymore.
Other times, you become defensive when your partner asks to see your phone or wants more details about your day. You may be answering honestly, but the question makes you feel accused of doing something wrong again. You get frustrated and remind your partner that you’ve already answered these questions or that you’ve been doing everything you agreed to do.
Now you’re arguing.
Your partner tells you that you’re making them feel guilty for needing reassurance. You insist that you’re trying, but nothing you do seems to make a difference. The conversation ends with both of you upset, and you don’t understand how something that started as a simple question turned into another fight.
What you may not realize is what your frustration communicates to your partner: when you become angry or defensive about their questions, they may hear that you’re willing to repair the relationship only if they stop bringing up the affair. They may begin hesitating to ask questions, not because they feel reassured, but because they don’t want another argument.
You want your partner to feel safe with you again, but you’re still learning that rebuilding trust means being willing to provide reassurance even when you thought things were going well. It also means understanding that your partner’s questions are a consequence of the deception, not evidence that they’re refusing to move forward.
hope after infidelity
Recovering from an affair can be confusing when you have a wonderful weekend together, only to find yourselves arguing about the betrayal again on Monday.
The betrayed partner may need reassurance after something reminds them of the affair. The unfaithful partner may feel discouraged or defensive, especially when they thought things were getting better. What begins as a reasonable question can turn into another argument, leaving both of you wondering whether you’re making progress.
In therapy, I’ll help the betrayed partner explain what prompted their concern and what they need to feel reassured.
I’ll also help the unfaithful partner recognize when shame or frustration is making them defensive, understand how that response affects their partner, and learn to answer questions without turning the conversation into an argument.
We’ll establish clear agreements about transparency, including access to devices, changes in schedules, or other information that helps the betrayed partner feel more confident.
The unfaithful partner can begin rebuilding trust by providing reassurance and demonstrating honesty consistently, even when they believe the relationship has been improving.
Over time, you can become more comfortable discussing difficult reminders of the affair without feeling that every painful conversation erases the progress you’ve made.
You can enjoy being close again while knowing that questions and concerns are still welcome in your relationship.
How affair recovery works
How I help Massachusetts Couples Recover from Infidelity, betrayal, and Affairs
When you come to couples therapy because of an affair, we won’t spend months discussing older relationship problems before addressing the betrayal. After our initial three-session assessment, we’ll begin working directly on the affair, the questions that still need answers, and the hurt it’s caused.
There’s a clinical reason for starting here, too. The betrayal affects how you hear and respond to each other, even when you’re discussing problems that have nothing to do with the affair. A conversation about feeling lonely or unheard before the affair may sound to the betrayed partner like an attempt to justify what happened or blame them for their partner’s decision. Meanwhile, the unfaithful partner may become defensive or withdraw when those conversations bring up feelings of guilt or shame.
By addressing the betrayal first, I can help you begin rebuilding enough trust to discuss those older problems without every conversation becoming another argument about the affair. We can then examine what wasn’t working in your relationship while keeping responsibility for the infidelity where it belongs.
The process follows four steps:
A three-session assessment. I meet with you together and individually, and you’ll complete detailed questionnaires that help me understand your relationship and identify where we need to focus.
Repairing the betrayal. I’ll help the betrayed partner get answers to their questions and the unfaithful partner learn to respond honestly, without becoming defensive or withdrawing.
Addressing older relationship hurts. Once we’ve begun repairing the betrayal, we’ll work on unresolved conflicts, unmet needs, and difficulties communicating that may have existed before the affair.
Rebuilding your sexual relationship. We’ll give your sexual relationship more focused attention after addressing the betrayal and older hurts. Whether you’ve continued having sex or stopped after the affair, I’ll help you talk about desire, intimacy, and what each of you needs to feel comfortable.
Throughout the process, I’ll help you develop the skills to have difficult conversations outside of therapy, so you can eventually address problems together without needing me to guide every discussion.
Read more about the full process I take couples through after infidelity here →
How couples therapy can Change Your Relationship after infidelity
1. You can get the answers you need without every conversation feeling like an interrogation.
You may have spent hours discussing the affair, only to find yourself asking another question the following day. The betrayed partner needs to understand what happened, while the unfaithful partner may struggle to explain their choices without becoming defensive or shutting down.
In therapy, I’ll guide those conversations so you can discuss difficult details without one of you feeling like a prosecutor and the other like a defendant. I’ll help the betrayed partner identify what they need to understand and the unfaithful partner respond honestly, even when the answers are uncomfortable.
Some questions may need to be answered more than once. That doesn’t mean the conversations aren’t helping. As your partner’s answers remain consistent and their behavior begins matching their words, you can gradually develop greater confidence in what they tell you.
You can begin understanding what happened without feeling that every answer has to be fought for or independently verified.
2. You can disagree and make decisions together without every argument returning to the affair.
Since discovering the affair, even ordinary decisions may have become difficult. A disagreement about money, parenting, or plans for the weekend can bring up questions about trust. The betrayed partner may question whether they can rely on the unfaithful partner’s judgment, while the unfaithful partner may feel that having an affair means they’ve lost the right to disagree.
In therapy, I’ll help you separate the responsibility for repairing the betrayal from the decisions you still need to make together. The partner who had the affair remains accountable for their choices, but both of you need to be able to express concerns and participate in decisions that affect your shared life.
I’ll also help you recognize when a disagreement is beginning to escalate. You’ll practice expressing concerns without criticism, listening without immediately becoming defensive, and taking a break when emotions become too intense to continue productively.
If the affair comes up during a disagreement, we won’t assume it’s irrelevant or insist that you set it aside. Instead, you’ll learn to address the concern about trust while still working toward a decision about the original issue.
You can begin making decisions together again without feeling that one partner must give in or that every disagreement threatens the relationship.
3. If you’re the unfaithful partner, your hurt and dissatisfaction can be heard and taken seriously, too.
You may feel tremendous shame about your decision to have an affair while also feeling angry about how your partner treated you. And you may worry that whenever you describe something hurtful they did, the conversation will return to your infidelity, and your complaints will never receive serious attention.
In therapy, I’ll help you express how your partner’s behavior hurt you, including things you may have struggled to communicate before the affair. I’ll help you explain what happened and how it affected you without suggesting that your partner was responsible for your decision to be unfaithful.
This makes it easier for your partner to hear what you’re saying without feeling blamed for the affair. They can begin to understand the impact of their behavior, take responsibility where they’ve hurt you, and offer meaningful apologies, even when you remember parts of your relationship differently.
You can receive genuine understanding and apologies for the pain you experienced, even though you were the partner who had the affair. You’ll also learn how to express dissatisfaction and painful feelings directly, rather than withdrawing, avoiding difficult conversations, or keeping your unhappiness secret.
4. You can build a relationship where difficult needs and feelings are discussed openly and honestly.
Before the affair, there may have been problems neither of you knew how to discuss. Perhaps one of you felt lonely or dissatisfied but avoided bringing it up because you were afraid of hurting your partner or starting an argument. Or maybe you tried expressing what you needed, but your concerns came out as criticism, leaving your partner feeling attacked rather than understanding what was wrong.
Those difficulties may help explain what was happening in your relationship, but they don’t excuse the affair. The partner who had the affair remains responsible for that decision. Once we’ve begun repairing the betrayal, I’ll help you address the older problems in your relationship without shifting responsibility for the infidelity.
You’ll practice expressing dissatisfaction without criticism, listening without becoming defensive, and having conversations you might have avoided for years. I’ll help you recognize when one of you is withdrawing, making assumptions about what the other thinks, or agreeing to something simply to avoid conflict.
Over time, you can become more comfortable discussing difficult subjects without worrying that disagreement will threaten your relationship. You may find yourselves talking more openly about sex, money, parenting, or plans for the future, including concerns that neither of you felt comfortable raising before the affair.
You can build a relationship based on greater honesty and understanding, where both of you feel able to express what you need and address problems together rather than leaving important concerns unspoken.
Practicing the Gottman Method since 2000
I’ve been a therapist since 1988, and I practice Gottman Method couples therapy.
I began studies with the Gottman Institute in 2000, and I’ve been fully certified as a Gottman Method couples therapist and Gottman workshop leader since 2009.
The Gottman Method comes from more than four decades of research on thousands of real couples, including couples recovering from affairs. It is one of the most researched and widely practiced approaches to couples therapy in the world.
Gottman certification is a multi-year process. I completed all three levels of clinical training, then recorded my real therapy sessions and submitted them to the Gottman Institute, where senior clinicians reviewed my work, gave feedback, and confirmed that I practice the method as it was designed.
I bring that training and experience to my work with couples throughout Massachusetts, using a structured approach to help partners repair the damage caused by infidelity and rebuild their relationship.
Who is a Good Fit for this Service?
I work with every form of infidelity: physical or emotional affairs, a secret online relationship or sexting, hidden pornography use or visits to strip clubs, secretly paying for sex, or a broken agreement in an open or non-monogamous relationship.
Therapy with me is for couples where both people want to repair the relationship. If the affair is still ongoing, we’ll need to address that before beginning couples therapy to rebuild trust.
If there is ongoing domestic violence in your relationship, couples therapy is not an appropriate service. Couples therapy asks both of you to speak honestly in session, and when one partner is being hurt or controlled at home, that honesty can create danger after the session ends. Individual therapy is a safer starting place.
Infidelity therapist & certified Gottman method couples therapist
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a licensed therapist since 1988, and affair recovery has been a central part of my couples practice for more than two decades.
An affair is a crisis, and most couples who come to me have already spent months trying to resolve it on their own, leaving them feeling even more disconnected.
Infidelity creates a specific communication breakdown that good intentions alone often can’t fix. The betrayed partner may need to talk about what happened to process the betrayal, while the unfaithful partner may shut down out of guilt, shame, or defensiveness.
When couples try to resolve the damage caused by the affair without outside help, those conversations can reinforce the same difficulties rather than resolve them. I provide a research-supported, structured approach to helping couples repair their relationship after infidelity.
If the description on this page sounded like your relationship, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online couples therapy sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples across Massachusetts.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. Extended sessions (3+ hours) are available for couples who want to make faster progress. I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
How to get started in couples therapy
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar using the button directly below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you and your partner will receive new client forms via email, which you’ll both review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas Served in Massachusetts
I’m independently licensed in Massachusetts as a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW #1144781), and I provide couples therapy after infidelity throughout the state via secure, HIPAA-compliant video.
I work with couples in:
Greater Boston, including Boston, Cambridge, Somerville, Brookline, Newton, Waltham, Medford, Arlington, Watertown, Malden, Revere, and surrounding communities.
The South Shore, including Quincy, Weymouth, Braintree, Hingham, Marshfield, Scituate, Brockton, and Plymouth.
The North Shore, including Salem, Lynn, Beverly, Peabody, Danvers, Gloucester, Marblehead, and nearby communities.
The Merrimack Valley, including Lowell, Lawrence, Haverhill, and Methuen.
Central Massachusetts, including Worcester, Framingham, Marlborough, Westborough, Leominster, and Fitchburg.
Western Massachusetts, including Springfield, Northampton, Amherst, Pittsfield, Chicopee, Holyoke, and West Springfield.
The South Coast, including New Bedford, Fall River, Taunton, Attleboro, and Dartmouth.
Cape Cod and the Islands, including Barnstable, Falmouth, Hyannis, Sandwich, and surrounding communities.
You don’t need to live in Boston or travel to an office to work with me. I provide online couples therapy throughout Massachusetts, including smaller cities, towns, and rural communities.
Questions about couples therapy after infidelity in Massachusetts
Frequently Asked Questions —
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Not necessarily. You and your partner must each be physically located in a state where I’m authorized to practice at the time of your session.
I’m licensed or registered to provide therapy in Massachusetts, Oregon, Washington, New York, and Florida.
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No. My practice is fully online, so there’s no office to visit in Boston or anywhere else in Massachusetts.
All appointments take place by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. Whether you live in Boston, Cambridge, Worcester, Springfield, Cape Cod, or another part of the state, you can work with me without traveling to an office.
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You and your partner can join from separate locations, including different states, provided I’m authorized to practice in both states at the time of your appointment.
If one of you is traveling somewhere I’m not authorized to practice, we’ll need to reschedule for a time when you’re both in eligible locations.
Still Have Questions about Couples Therapy for Infidelity?
Contact me using the button below. I’ll respond within 2 business days.