Couples Therapy After Infidelity in Newton, Massachusetts

In therapy, I help you have the conversations that keep turning into fights at home. I make sure your questions get addressed, help your partner respond without becoming defensive, and step in when the conversation starts to escalate. You’ll also learn how to handle these discussions differently when you’re on your own.

Here’s what can change in your relationship as we work together:

1. You can get answers about the infidelity and talk about what happened without another exhausting argument

You may have questions about when the affair began, what your partner told the other person, or how they managed to keep it secret while you were raising a family together. Sometimes those questions come up in the middle of an ordinary day, when there’s no good opportunity to sit down and talk.

You might try to put them aside until the kids are asleep, only to find that by then you’re both exhausted. Or you bring something up and the conversation becomes an argument, leaving you upset when you still have responsibilities to manage together the next morning.

In therapy, I’ll help you ask the questions you need answered and guide your partner in responding honestly, even when they feel ashamed or uncomfortable. When an answer raises another concern, we’ll address it rather than leaving you to sort through the uncertainty on your own.

I’ll also help you find ways to discuss the infidelity at home without waiting until one of you is overwhelmed. We’ll talk about how to make time for difficult conversations, recognize when you need a break, and return to questions that haven’t been resolved.

You can begin getting the information you need to understand what happened without feeling that every conversation about the affair has to become an exhausting argument. You’ll have a better way to address painful questions while continuing to care for your family and manage your life together.

2. If you’re the unfaithful partner, your hurt and dissatisfaction can be heard and taken seriously, too

You may feel tremendous shame about your decision to have an affair while also feeling angry about how your partner treated you. And you may worry that whenever you describe something hurtful they did, the conversation will return to your infidelity, and your complaints will never receive serious attention.

In therapy, I’ll help you express how your partner’s behavior hurt you, including things you may have struggled to communicate before the affair. I’ll help you explain what happened and how it affected you without suggesting that your partner was responsible for your decision to be unfaithful.

This makes it easier for your partner to hear what you’re saying without feeling blamed for the affair. They can begin to understand the impact of their behavior, take responsibility where they’ve hurt you, and offer meaningful apologies, even when you remember parts of your relationship differently.

You can receive genuine understanding and apologies for the pain you experienced, even though you were the partner who had the affair. You’ll also learn how to express dissatisfaction and painful feelings directly, rather than withdrawing, avoiding difficult conversations, or keeping your unhappiness secret.

3. You can feel emotionally supported by your partner as you recover from infidelity.

When something reminds you of the infidelity and you need reassurance, your partner sometimes struggles to give you the comfort you’re looking for.

They may apologize again, explain why you don’t need to worry, or point to everything they’ve been doing differently. You know they want to help, but you’re left feeling that they don’t understand what you’re going through.

The unfaithful partner may feel confused, too. They’re trying to demonstrate their commitment, but when their partner is upset, they don’t always know what to say. Hearing about the hurt they’ve caused can also bring up guilt or shame, making it harder to listen without defending themselves or trying to make the conversation end.

In therapy, I’ll help the betrayed partner explain what they need in those moments, whether that’s reassurance, affection, an honest answer, or simply having their partner listen and acknowledge how much they’re hurting.

I’ll help the unfaithful partner recognize when guilt or defensiveness is getting in the way of offering comfort. We’ll practice responding to painful feelings without trying to explain them away, and I’ll help both of you understand what makes reassurance meaningful rather than frustrating.

You can begin turning to your partner for comfort again, including when you’re hurting because of their infidelity. And the unfaithful partner can become more confident about how to respond, knowing that they can offer meaningful support even when they can’t immediately make the hurt go away.

4. You can work through disagreements without spending hours arguing or avoiding difficult conversations.

You may have struggled with disagreements long before the infidelity. One of you wanted to keep talking until an issue was resolved, while the other became overwhelmed and needed to get away from the conversation. Sometimes you stopped arguing without ever resolving what upset you.

Since the affair, disagreements may have become even harder to manage. A conversation about family responsibilities or plans for the weekend can bring up older frustrations, concerns about trust, or hurt feelings that neither of you knows how to address.

In therapy, I’ll help you recognize when a conversation is beginning to escalate and show you how to stop an argument before it gets worse. You’ll learn how to express concerns without criticism, listen without immediately defending yourself, and stay focused on the issue you’re trying to resolve.

When one of you becomes too overwhelmed to continue, I’ll teach you how to take a break without leaving the other person feeling abandoned or dismissed. You’ll agree on when to resume the conversation and follow through, rather than letting the issue remain unresolved.

You can bring up difficult subjects and feel more confident that you’ll be able to work through them together. Instead of spending the evening arguing or avoiding each other afterward, you can address what’s bothering you and return to enjoying your time together.

5. You can decide together when and how to resume sexual intimacy after the affair.

Some couples continue having sex after discovering infidelity, while others stop. You may still desire your partner but find that sexual intimacy brings up questions or feelings you didn’t experience before the affair.

As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I’ll help you talk openly about how the infidelity has affected your sexual relationship. We’ll discuss the questions and concerns that arise during intimacy, what kinds of affection feel comfortable, and how to express desire or decline sex without either partner feeling rejected or pressured.

I’ll also help you explore what each of you enjoys sexually and what you would like to change about your intimate relationship, including differences in desire or expectations that may have existed before the affair.

Whether you’ve continued having sex or taken a break, you can begin feeling more comfortable expressing your desires and boundaries. You’ll have a clearer understanding of what each of you needs to enjoy physical affection and sexual intimacy without feeling pressured to move faster than you’re ready.