AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist · Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist · Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Individual Therapy for Sex and Porn Addiction
Serving Adult Clients Online in Oregon, Washington, New York, Massachusetts, and Florida
When Porn or Sex Feels Out of Control
You told yourself you were going to stop. Maybe you deleted the hookup apps, canceled your subscriptions, or promised yourself you wouldn’t watch porn again.
And for a while, you didn’t.
Then something happened. Maybe you had a terrible day at work, got into an argument with your partner, or found yourself alone with nothing planned. You started thinking about porn or sex, and before long, you were doing the very thing you’d promised yourself you wouldn’t.
Afterward, you’re angry with yourself. You meant it when you said you were stopping. But you meant it all the other times, too. You’re beginning to wonder whether you can trust yourself to follow through on anything you decide about your sexual behavior.
You may be spending more time thinking about sex than you want to. You find yourself checking apps when you’re supposed to be working, waiting for an opportunity to be alone, or arranging your schedule around something you don’t even feel particularly good about afterward.
Sometimes the behavior gives you exactly what you’re looking for in the moment. It might help you forget about work for a while, make you feel wanted, or give you something exciting to look forward to. But when it’s over, you’re back to worrying about how much time you’ve spent, the money you’ve used, or the commitments you’ve broken.
If you’re in a relationship, you may be keeping things from your partner. Perhaps they found a charge from a cam site or OnlyFans account, discovered messages with someone from a hookup app, or learned that you’ve been paying for sex. Now they question things they once believed without a second thought.
Or maybe your partner doesn’t know, and you’re scared of what will happen if they find out.
You can spend an hour doing something you’ve promised yourself you’d stop, close the browser, delete the history, and then sit down to dinner with your partner or family as though nothing happened. Sometimes you barely think about it again until you’re alone. You wonder how you can care so much about the people in your life and still keep doing something that could hurt them.
You might feel disgusted with yourself afterward. Maybe you’re ashamed of what you’ve done, or ashamed that you keep returning to something you sincerely want to change. You may even wonder whether your sexual desires themselves mean there’s something wrong with you.
And if you’ve already done things you once swore you’d never do, you may be scared about what could happen next. You never imagined you’d cross those boundaries. Now you’re not sure you can rely on yourself to keep the others.
You may already call this an addiction, or you may resist that word because it doesn’t seem to explain your experience.
You want to be able to trust yourself again. You want to make decisions about your sexual behavior and follow through on them, without constantly worrying that another stressful day, lonely evening, or unexpected opportunity will undo everything you’ve promised yourself.
Specialized Sex Therapy for Out-of-Control Porn Use and Sexual Behavior
Why Porn Blockers, Accountability Apps, and Promises to Stop Haven’t Been Enough
Maybe you’ve installed website blockers, deleted hookup apps, or asked someone to hold you accountable. You’ve made rules for yourself, and some of them have worked for a while.
But restricting access doesn’t address why you keep returning to the behavior.
If watching porn has become your way of unwinding after work, you still need something to help you relax when you get home. If sexual attention makes you feel wanted, deleting an app doesn’t change how you feel about yourself when you’re alone.
And sometimes the reasons aren’t nearly that obvious. You may genuinely have no idea why you keep doing something that’s costing you so much.
Understanding Your Sexual Behavior so that you can change it
I’m an AASECT-certified sex therapist, and I’ve been working with people who are struggling with their sexual behavior for decades.
I’m interested in understanding your sexuality as well as the problems you’re experiencing. Enjoying pornography, wanting frequent sex, or having unconventional sexual interests doesn’t automatically indicate a clinical problem. What matters is how your sexual behavior affects your life, whether you can make choices about it, and whether those choices are consistent with your values and relationship agreements.
I’ll ask about what happens before, during, and after the behavior. I want to understand what you’re looking forward to, what you enjoy about it, and what makes you regret it afterward. Sometimes those answers reveal things you haven’t considered before.
Making changes that work for you
You may discover that you have opportunities to make a different decision earlier than you realized. Maybe the problem starts when you arrange to have the house to yourself, contact someone you know you shouldn’t, or begin looking for a reason to leave work early.
I’ll help you recognize those decisions and work out how to respond differently.
We’ll also address whatever you’ve been getting from the behavior, whether that’s sexual satisfaction, relief from stress, excitement, or feeling wanted.
You can begin following through on your decisions about sex and pornography without relying on another promise to stop.
You’ll understand more about why your previous attempts haven’t lasted and what to do when familiar situations arise again.
How Sex Therapy Helps you make long-term changes
1. You can begin trusting yourself to follow through on decisions about sex and pornography
In therapy, we’ll look at why previous attempts to change your sexual behavior haven’t lasted and identify opportunities to make different choices before changing course becomes especially difficult.
Together, we’ll develop a plan for those moments and examine what happens when you put it into practice, including what needs to change when something doesn’t go as expected.
You can begin building confidence in your ability to keep the commitments you make to yourself. Being home alone, having an unexpected free evening, or experiencing a strong sexual urge doesn’t have to mean repeating a behavior you’ve decided to stop. You can begin collecting evidence from your own experience that you’re capable of making different choices.
2. You can get your time and attention back instead of organizing your life around sexual behavior
In therapy, we’ll examine how much time and attention sexual behavior has been taking from other parts of your life. That includes time spent anticipating the next opportunity, arranging your schedule, concealing what happened, or worrying about being discovered.
I’ll help you understand why certain situations make sexual thoughts particularly difficult to set aside. We’ll work on recognizing when you’re beginning to organize your time around the behavior and identifying what would help you make a different decision.
You can spend an evening alone doing what you intended, concentrate on work without repeatedly checking a site or app, and enjoy time with people you care about without thinking about when you’ll next have an opportunity for sexual activity. You can regain time and mental energy for the parts of your life you’ve been neglecting.
3. You can understand what you’re seeking from sexual behavior and find other ways to meet those needs
In therapy, we’ll explore what you’re getting from sexual behavior that you haven’t been able to find elsewhere. It might be relief from stress, excitement, feeling wanted, or something you haven’t recognized yet.
I’ll help you understand what you’re feeling and wanting in those situations, including needs you’ve struggled to express or satisfy in other parts of your life. We’ll explore how you can meet those needs more directly, without repeatedly engaging in sexual behavior that conflicts with your intentions or creates unwanted consequences.
You can begin responding to loneliness, stress, rejection, boredom, or a desire for excitement in ways that genuinely address what you’re missing. You can have more choices about how to spend your time and meet your needs, rather than repeatedly turning to sexual activity and regretting it afterward.
4. You can stop organizing your life around secrets and begin earning back your partner’s trust
If your sexual behavior has involved dishonesty or broken agreements, I’ll help you understand what taking responsibility requires. We’ll examine what makes honesty difficult, including fear of your partner’s reaction, shame about your choices, or the temptation to minimize what happened.
I’ll help you prepare for difficult conversations and learn how to answer questions truthfully, acknowledge the harm you’ve caused, and avoid making promises you aren’t prepared to keep.
We’ll also discuss what consistent behavior and accountability can look like over time, recognizing that your partner may need considerable time before they feel comfortable trusting you again.
You can stop deleting conversations, concealing charges, inventing explanations, or worrying about what might happen if your partner picks up your phone.
Instead, you can begin living more honestly and giving your partner reasons to believe what you say.
You can feel better about how you’re treating the people who matter to you, even while rebuilding trust remains difficult.
5. You can enjoy your sexuality without feeling ashamed of your desires or afraid of losing control
As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I’ll help you examine your sexual desires and preferences without assuming that frequent sex, pornography, masturbation, or consensual sexual interests are inherently unhealthy.
We’ll distinguish between sexual desires you enjoy, behaviors you’ve decided you want to change, and feelings of shame or discomfort that may come from judgments you’ve learned about sexuality.
We’ll also explore how to pursue sexual pleasure in ways that respect your values, your boundaries, and any agreements you’ve made with a partner.
If you’re partnered, we can address difficulties discussing sex, differences in sexual desire, and concerns about intimacy. When appropriate and with your agreement, your partner may participate in some sessions.
You can feel more comfortable with your sexuality while becoming more confident in your ability to make deliberate choices.
You can enjoy sexual pleasure without treating every desire as a problem, and make decisions about your behavior without repeatedly violating your own boundaries or relationship agreements.
Sex Therapy for LGBTQIA+ Adults and People in Open Relationships
I have extensive experience working with LGBTQIA+ clients and people in open, polyamorous, and other consensually non-monogamous relationships.
I don’t assume that having multiple sexual partners, enjoying casual sex, using hookup apps, or having unconventional sexual interests means your sexual behavior is unhealthy.
What I want to understand is whether you’re able to make decisions about your sexual activity that are consistent with your intentions, your values, and the agreements you’ve made with partners.
If you’ve broken relationship agreements, we can address that honestly without treating your relationship structure or sexual identity as the problem.
Sex Therapy for Neurodivergent Adults
I’m an autistic therapist who also trains other mental health professionals in working with neurodivergent clients. My teaching includes autism and sexuality, ADHD and executive functioning, sexual and gender diversity, and adapting therapy to neurodivergent people’s needs.
If you’re autistic or have ADHD, I’ll consider how your attention, impulsivity, need for stimulation, routines, sensory experiences, and communication style may affect the sexual behavior you’re trying to change.
I’ll use my experience to develop approaches that fit how you think, communicate, and make decisions. These differences can be important when we’re figuring out why previous attempts haven’t worked and what approaches are likely to be useful for you.
Who is A good fit for Sex and Porn Addiction Therapy?
I work with adults whose pornography use or consensual sexual behavior has become difficult to control and is causing problems in their lives. This can include people who are facing legal consequences related to their sexual behavior, such as an arrest for purchasing sex.
You may be a good fit for therapy with me if:
You’ve tried to stop watching porn, using hookup apps, paying for sex, or engaging in other sexual behaviors, but you keep returning to them.
You’re spending more time or money on sexual activity than you intended, and it’s beginning to interfere with your work, relationships, or other responsibilities.
Your partner has discovered sexual behavior you’ve been hiding, and you’re scared your relationship may not survive another broken promise.
You haven’t been caught, but you’re increasingly worried about what could happen if you continue.
You’re doing things you once told yourself you’d never do, and you’re concerned about where your behavior could lead.
Situations Outside My Clinical Practice
→ I don’t provide specialized treatment for sexual offenses, including sexual assault, rape, voyeurism, child sexual abuse, or offenses involving child sexual abuse material (CSAM). This includes situations where someone hasn’t been arrested or charged.
→ I also don’t provide forensic psychosexual evaluations or prepare reports for legal proceedings.
AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist for Out-of-Control Sexual Behavior
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a licensed therapist since 1988, and I’ve worked with individuals and couples dealing with out-of-control sexual behavior for decades.
Over the years, I’ve worked with people whose sexual behavior has put their relationships, careers, finances, or personal lives at risk. Many have tried repeatedly to stop on their own, sometimes keeping their behavior secret for years before deciding to get help.
As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I bring specialized training in human sexuality to understanding why changing sexual behavior can be so difficult. I’m interested in what makes certain experiences compelling, what keeps someone returning to them, and what needs to change for them to make different decisions.
I bring that experience to helping clients understand their sexual behavior, address the difficulties that have kept them from changing it, and develop greater confidence in their ability to make choices they can follow through on.
If the description on this page sounded like your situation, I’d like to help.
Logistics: Getting started in sex therapy
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Sessions are Conducted via Secure, HIPAA-Compliant Telehealth
Sessions happen by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. There’s no waiting room and no one to run into.
I provide online sex and porn addiction therapy to adult clients physically located in Oregon, Washington, New York, Massachusetts, and Florida.
You are welcome to self-schedule your 50-minute intake appointment on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar.
02
Therapy Prices
Individual 50-minute sessions are $500. I also offer 90-minute sessions for $750.
I am not in-network with insurance companies and cannot bill them directly.
03
Discretion and Confidentiality
Your privacy is protected by federal and state confidentiality laws. I won’t disclose that you’re a client or share what you tell me in therapy without your authorization, except when disclosure is permitted or required by law. I’ll explain those exceptions before we begin.
My practice does not have a front desk, billing staff, or an assistant, so there’s no additional practice staff handling your information.
If your job or public role calls for an additional confidentiality agreement, such as an NDA, I’m open to reviewing one. Please contact me before scheduling to discuss it.
04
Insurance
I don’t bill insurance companies directly. If you have out-of-network benefits, I can provide a monthly Superbill that you can choose to submit for possible reimbursement.
Paying privately means you don’t need to submit a claim to your insurance company for our sessions. If you choose to use a Superbill, however, the information on it will be shared with your insurer.
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Yes. You don’t need to decide whether you’re addicted before starting therapy.
If you’ve repeatedly tried to change your sexual behavior without success, or it’s creating problems with your relationship, finances, work, or other important parts of your life, those are good reasons to seek help.
In our first sessions, I’ll help you understand what’s happening and what you want to change.
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The difficulties people describe as sex or porn addiction are real. Someone can repeatedly engage in sexual behavior they’ve tried to stop, even when it’s causing serious consequences.
Clinicians disagree about whether addiction is the right explanation. The World Health Organization recognizes compulsive sexual behavior disorder, while AASECT does not endorse classifying sex or porn addiction as a mental-health addiction diagnosis.
My approach focuses on understanding why the behavior has been difficult to change and helping you regain confidence in your ability to make choices you can follow through on.
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Sex therapy is talk therapy provided by a clinician with specialized training in human sexuality and sexual concerns.
As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I can help you examine your sexual behavior alongside your desires, relationships, sexual experiences, and the circumstances that make changing certain behaviors difficult.
This is important because an approach that only focuses on stopping the behavior may overlook difficulties with sexuality, intimacy, shame, or relationships that also need attention.
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Often, yes. An arrest for purchasing sex from another adult doesn’t automatically rule out therapy with me.
I don’t provide court-ordered evaluations or prepare forensic reports for legal proceedings. My role would be to provide therapy, not to evaluate you for the court.
If you’re dealing with an open legal case, we’ll discuss the limits of confidentiality and whether you should seek legal advice before discussing matters related to your case.
I don’t provide treatment for sexual behavior involving minors or nonconsensual activity.
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Yes. I’m also a certified Gottman Method couples therapist, and I work with couples recovering from infidelity and sexual betrayal.
If you want individual help changing your sexual behavior, we can work on that together. If you and your partner want to repair your relationship, I offer a separate couples therapy service focused on infidelity recovery.
You can find more information about that here: Affair and Betrayal Recovery for Couples.
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We’ll begin with an assessment of your sexual behavior, your concerns, and what you’re hoping to change.
If I determine that another clinician or service would be more appropriate, I’ll explain why and help you identify your options.
You won’t be expected to commit to ongoing treatment before we’ve determined whether my services are appropriate for your situation.
Frequently asked questions about sex therapy for out-of-control sexual behavior —
Still Have Questions about therapy for sex and porn addiction?
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