Couples Therapy for Mismatched Sexual Desire & Desire Discrepancy ● AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist ● Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Sex Therapy for Couples with Mismatched Sexual Desire on the South Shore of Massachusetts
Online sex therapy for Massachusetts couples in Hingham, Cohasset, Duxbury, Scituate, and nearby South Shore towns
Sex Therapy for South Shore couples with Mismatched sexual desire
Since your children were toddlers, one of you has wanted to have sex more often than the other does. Back then, both of you blamed the busy years with small kids for the difference in sexual desire. Now your kids are teenagers who stay up later than you do, and instead of coming back, sex has dropped to a few times a year.
If you’re the partner who wants less sex, physical affection at home used to feel good. Then a few evenings of cuddling on the couch turned into requests for sex, and when you said no, you felt guilty for disappointing your partner. Over time, every touch started to feel like pressure to have sex, so you stopped offering physical touch first and started pulling away from your partner.
If you’re the partner who wants more sex, you noticed your partner pulling away, so you stopped offering physical touch, too. You miss physical affection as much as you miss sex, but you don’t want your partner to think every touch comes with a hidden expectation.
You still enjoy each other’s company. On a Sunday morning, the two of you walk the carriage paths at World’s End in Hingham and hold hands while you look across the harbor at the Boston skyline.
At home that night, you sit at opposite ends of the couch after the children go upstairs.
Desire discrepancy is the clinical name for an ongoing difference in how much sex two partners want. When physical affection starts to feel like pressure to have sex, many couples stop offering physical touch altogether, and the distance between them can grow.
The two of you can feel close again. With sex therapy, many couples learn to enjoy physical affection without pressure, and they start enjoying sex together again. The two of you can, too.
Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW | AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist & Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist
I help South Shore couples bring back physical affection at home and start enjoying sex again.
I’ve worked as a therapist since 1988, and for more than fifteen years, I’ve focused on sex therapy for couples.
When physical affection becomes difficult, couples can feel less close even if they still love each other. I’ll assess what’s contributing to your differences in sexual desire while also addressing the difficulties that have developed around physical intimacy.
As a sex therapist certified by AASECT, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, I treat low desire and other problems with sex itself. As a certified Gottman Method couples therapist, I help partners bring back small daily moments of connection, using an approach built on research with couples. I also train other therapists, as an AASECT Approved Supervisor and a Gottman Method trainer, and I combine sex therapy and the Gottman Method in our sessions.
I see the two of you together during sex therapy sessions because the difference in sexual desire shows up in how each of you responds to the other partner’s touch. I help each of you explain what physical touch means to you, so the two of you can enjoy touch without wondering whether sex is expected.
Here’s what you can expect from me as your sex therapist:
We talk about sex directly, in plain words, and sex stays at the center of our sessions.
I’ll assess what’s contributing to your sexual difficulties before recommending treatment. If pressure around physical touch has become part of the problem, I may recommend structured exercises that help you enjoy affection and intimacy on terms you both agree to. I’ll also address any concerns involving sexual pleasure, arousal, physical health, or your relationship that need attention.
I take both of your experiences seriously, whether you’re the partner who wants more sex or the partner who wants less. The partner who wants more sex won’t be told that wanting sex is the problem, and the partner who wants less sex won’t be asked to say yes when they don’t want to. Together, we work toward sex you both look forward to.
We meet by secure video, and you’ll both need to be in Massachusetts during each session.
How your relationship changes after sex therapy with me
Without help, couples who stop showing physical affection at home can feel more and more distant, even when the two of you still love each other.
In our first sessions, I ask each of you what physical affection used to look like at home and what changed. While one of you talks, I help the other partner listen without defending themselves.
Many couples learn that both partners stopped offering physical touch for the same reason: neither partner wanted the other to feel pressured or rejected.
After assessing what’s contributing to your difficulties, I’ll recommend treatment suited to your relationship. When pressure around touch has become a concern, structured exercises may help you enjoy physical affection again without expectations about sex.
If sexual discomfort, arousal difficulties, or other concerns are contributing, I’ll address those as part of treatment, including recommending medical care when appropriate.
After each session, you take home one specific step. At our next session, we talk about how the week went, and if a step went badly, I help you work out what got in the way and change the plan. Then we choose the next step together.
If you’re the partner who wants more sex, you can enjoy offering physical affection and expressing sexual interest openly. You understand what makes intimacy enjoyable for your partner, and you can share sexual experiences that feel pleasurable and genuinely wanted by both of you.
If you’re the partner who wants less sex, you can offer physical affection because you enjoy being close to your partner, knowing that it doesn’t have to lead to sex. You can express what you find pleasurable, participate in sexual experiences you genuinely want, and feel comfortable saying no when you’re not interested.
You can enjoy kissing, cuddling, and other kinds of physical affection together, whether or not you decide to have sex.
Over time, physical affection at home feels as easy as holding hands at World’s End. Your teenagers still stay up late, and on some nights, the two of you go to bed early together anyway.
Who is a good fit for sex therapy for Couples with desire discrepancy?
Sex therapy for desire discrepancy works best when both partners attend sessions and both want a more satisfying sex life together.
You don’t have to agree on what caused the desire gap or feel equally motivated to close it. You only need to be willing to try.
I also work with couples where one or both partners are autistic and/or have ADHD, and LGBTQIA+ and polyamorous or open-relationship couples and individuals, since standard sex therapy frameworks were built on neurotypical, heterosexual, monogamous, cisgendered assumptions that don’t fit every relationship.
If there’s ongoing domestic violence in your relationship, sex therapy isn’t the right starting place; individual therapy is safer.
A certified sex therapist and couples therapist with more than 15 years treating differences in sexual desire
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a therapist since 1988, and for more than 15 years, I’ve helped couples whose differences in sexual desire have become a source of frustration, hurt, or uncertainty about their relationship.
As both an AASECT-certified sex therapist and a Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist, I bring two areas of specialized training to your treatment. I can assess how sexual desire, arousal, physical health, sexual satisfaction, and relationship difficulties influence one another, including concerns that aren’t immediately obvious to either partner.
Couples can spend years trying to improve their sexual relationship without understanding why their desires differ. I’ll help you identify what’s contributing to the problem and address those issues so you can build a sexual relationship that feels satisfying to both of you.
If the description on this page sounded like your relationship, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online sex therapy sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples across the South Shore and the rest of Massachusetts.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. Extended sessions (3+ hours) are available for couples who want to make faster progress.
I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
How to get started in sex therapy
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar using the button below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you and your partner will receive new client forms via email, which you’ll both review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas served on the South Shore of Massachusetts
I’m licensed in Massachusetts as a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW1144781), and I see couples by secure, HIPAA-compliant video across the South Shore.
Along the coast, I see couples in Quincy, Weymouth, Hull, Hingham, Cohasset, Scituate, Marshfield, Duxbury, Kingston, and Plymouth.
Inland, I see couples in Braintree, Norwell, Hanover, Pembroke, Hanson, and Abington.
If you’re anywhere on the South Shore, I can work with you.
Questions About Sex Therapy for South Shore, MA Couples with Desire Discrepancy —
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In our sessions, the two of you agree on kinds of physical touch that won’t lead to sex unless both of you want to have sex. When both of you know a touch won’t turn into a request or expectation, it eases the pressure and both partners can start to enjoy physical affection again.
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Each of you will need a private space where your kids can’t walk in or overhear our conversation. If the house is full, one of you can join from an office or a parked car. You’ll both sign on to the same secure video link.
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Yes, for both of you. If you’re the partner who wants less sex, I won’t push you toward sex you don’t want. We look at what has made sex hard to want and hard to talk about, and we work toward sex you want to have, at a pace that feels okay to you.
If you’re the partner who wants more sex, wanting sex with your partner is normal, and I take your experience as seriously as your partner’s. We work on how to bring up sex without pressure and how to hear no without assuming the worst.
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No. I’m not in-network with any insurance company, and I don’t provide Superbills for couples sessions. You’re welcome to use an HSA or FSA card for our sessions if you like.
Still have Questions about sex therapy for desire discrepancy?
Please contact me using the button below. I will respond within 2 business days.