Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist · AASECT Certified Sex Therapist · Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Couples Therapy After Infidelity on the North Shore of Massachusetts
Online couples therapy after infidelity for Massachusetts couples in Salem, Beverly, Marblehead, Gloucester, and Newburyport
If you’re the partner who was betrayed…
You want your partner to understand how much their infidelity has hurt you. But sometimes, when you try to explain what you’re going through, your partner becomes so upset about what they did that the conversation takes an unexpected turn.
Maybe you tell your partner that you’re having a hard time believing them when they say they love you. They start crying and telling you how ashamed they are. Or you ask a question about the affair, and they put their head in their hands, struggling with what they’ve done.
You can see how much your partner regrets their decisions, and you may even feel some relief knowing they understand the seriousness of what happened.
But seeing them so upset can bring out your concern for them, too. Before you know it, you’re reassuring your partner that you still love them or that you believe they’re a good person, even though you were the one who needed some understanding.
Other times, your partner grows quiet. They may struggle to find the words to respond, leaving you wondering whether they understood what you were trying to tell them.
After a while, you may hesitate before bringing up something painful. You don’t want to see your partner suffer, but you have feelings and questions that still need attention.
You may even miss being able to turn to your partner for comfort. They’re the person you would ordinarily talk to when something hurts, and now you’re unsure whether they can hear how you’re feeling without becoming overwhelmed themselves.
You need to know that your partner can listen to your hurt, answer difficult questions, and remain emotionally present with you, even when they’re struggling with guilt or shame.
You just want to be able to talk openly about the infidelity without feeling that you have to put your own feelings aside to take care of theirs.
If you’re the unfaithful partner…
You know how much you’ve hurt your partner, and you wish you could undo what happened. You’ve apologized, answered questions, and tried to be honest about the choices you made.
But when your partner brings up the infidelity, you sometimes feel like you’re on trial.
They may ask a question you’ve already answered, then challenge your response or tell you they don’t believe you. Sometimes their anger comes through in accusations or comments that are painful to hear. You understand why they’re angry, but after a while, you begin to feel that nothing you say will be the right answer.
You find yourself getting defensive. You correct something your partner says, explain what you meant, or remind them that you’ve already answered the question. Before long, you’re arguing about what was said rather than talking about what happened.
Later, you feel ashamed of how you responded. You know your partner needs honesty and reassurance, and you wish you’d handled the conversation differently.
Other times, the shame hits you so hard that you can’t find the words to respond. You might start crying or become quiet when your partner tells you how much they’ve been hurting. You don’t expect them to comfort you, but sometimes that’s exactly what happens.
You know your partner has good reasons to be angry and to question what you’ve told them. But when those conversations become heated, you struggle to respond without defending yourself or becoming overwhelmed.
You want to take responsibility for your infidelity and give your partner the answers they need. But you’re having a difficult time doing that when you’re also trying to manage your own guilt, shame, and fear about what might happen to your relationship.
hope after infidelity
When you come to couples therapy after infidelity, I’ll help you have the conversations that have been difficult to manage on your own.
You may have questions that your partner struggles to answer without becoming defensive. Or you may find yourselves arguing about the way a question was asked, rather than addressing what you wanted to know.
I’ll help you slow those conversations down and make sure the important questions get answered. When anger comes through as criticism or accusations, I’ll help the betrayed partner express what they need to say without the discussion turning into another argument. And when guilt or shame makes the unfaithful partner defensive or overwhelmed, I’ll help them stay engaged, listen, and respond honestly.
Sometimes that means stopping a conversation to look at what just happened between you. Other times, it means helping one partner ask a question more clearly or encouraging the other to answer without immediately explaining or defending their behavior.
My goal is for you to be able to discuss the infidelity, including the most painful parts, without losing the opportunity to understand each other or address what happened.
How affair recovery works
How I help North Shore Couples Recover from Infidelity, betrayal, and Affairs
When you come to couples therapy because of an affair, we won’t spend months discussing older relationship problems before addressing the betrayal. After our initial three-session assessment, we’ll begin working directly on the affair, the questions that still need answers, and the hurt it’s caused.
There’s a clinical reason for starting here, too. The betrayal affects how you hear and respond to each other, even when you’re discussing problems that have nothing to do with the affair. A conversation about feeling lonely or unheard before the affair may sound to the betrayed partner like an attempt to justify what happened or blame them for their partner’s decision. Meanwhile, the unfaithful partner may become defensive or withdraw when those conversations bring up feelings of guilt or shame.
By addressing the betrayal first, I can help you begin rebuilding enough trust to discuss those older problems without every conversation becoming another argument about the affair. We can then examine what wasn’t working in your relationship while keeping responsibility for the infidelity where it belongs.
The process follows four steps:
A three-session assessment. I meet with you together and individually, and you’ll complete detailed questionnaires that help me understand your relationship and identify where we need to focus.
Repairing the betrayal. I’ll help the betrayed partner get answers to their questions and the unfaithful partner learn to respond honestly, without becoming defensive or withdrawing.
Addressing older relationship hurts. Once we’ve begun repairing the betrayal, we’ll work on unresolved conflicts, unmet needs, and difficulties communicating that may have existed before the affair.
Rebuilding your sexual relationship. We’ll give your sexual relationship more focused attention after addressing the betrayal and older hurts. Whether you’ve continued having sex or stopped after the affair, I’ll help you talk about desire, intimacy, and what each of you needs to feel comfortable.
Throughout the process, I’ll help you develop the skills to have difficult conversations outside of therapy, so you can eventually address problems together without needing me to guide every discussion.
Read more about the full process I take couples through after infidelity here →
How Couples therapy after infidelity can change your relationship
With Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW | Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist & AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist
After infidelity, you may both want to repair your relationship but find that shame, anger, or defensiveness makes the conversations you need to have difficult. The betrayed partner needs answers and understanding. The unfaithful partner wants to take responsibility but may struggle to stay emotionally present when confronted with the pain they’ve caused.
In therapy, I’ll help you discuss what happened, work through the hurt both of you have experienced, and make changes that help you feel more connected and confident in your relationship.
Here’s what can change in your relationship as we work together:
→ You can talk openly about how much the infidelity hurt you without feeling like you have to comfort your partner.
In our couples therapy sessions, I help your partner listen to your feelings without becoming so overwhelmed that you end up reassuring them. They can learn to acknowledge your pain and offer comfort, even when hearing how much they’ve hurt you brings up their own guilt.
You can also tell your partner when something they’ve said or done has been hurtful without having to spend the rest of the conversation convincing them that you don’t think they’re a terrible person.
As your partner becomes more comfortable hearing difficult things, you can begin turning to them for support again, including when you’re hurting because of their infidelity.
→ If you’re the unfaithful partner, you can understand and explain the choices you made without making excuses.
I’ll help you examine the decisions you made as the affair developed. We can look at how you handled your feelings, what you told yourself to justify your behavior, and the opportunities you had to make different choices.
You can learn to explain these things to your partner while remaining clear that you were responsible for choosing to be unfaithful. Understanding your behavior doesn’t require your partner to excuse it, and it doesn’t mean blaming them for circumstances in your relationship.
You can develop a better understanding of why you made those choices and what you need to do differently so you don’t repeat them. You’ll also be better prepared to give your partner thoughtful, honest answers when they ask you to explain what happened.
→ You can see whether your partner’s actions are giving you good reasons to trust them again.
In therapy, we’ll discuss what your partner can do to demonstrate honesty and reliability. Depending on what happened, that might include ending contact with the affair partner, being transparent about communication with other people, or telling you about an uncomfortable situation before you discover it yourself.
I’ll help you develop specific agreements about what each of you can expect. We’ll also talk about how to handle concerns when something doesn’t go as agreed, so you aren’t left wondering whether you’re supposed to overlook it or start questioning everything again.
Over time, you can observe whether your partner is following through, including when doing so is inconvenient or uncomfortable. You may still have questions, and you don’t have to decide immediately how much trust you’re ready to extend.
You can make decisions about trusting your partner based on consistent behavior, rather than feeling pressured to accept another apology or promise.
→ If you’re the unfaithful partner, your hurt and dissatisfaction can be heard and taken seriously, too.
You may feel tremendous shame about your decision to have an affair while also feeling angry about how your partner treated you. And you may worry that whenever you describe something hurtful they did, the conversation will return to your infidelity, and your complaints will never receive serious attention.
In therapy, I’ll help you express how your partner’s behavior hurt you, including things you may have struggled to communicate before the affair. I’ll help you explain what happened and how it affected you without suggesting that your partner was responsible for your decision to be unfaithful.
This makes it easier for your partner to hear what you’re saying without feeling blamed for the affair. They can begin to understand the impact of their behavior, take responsibility where they’ve hurt you, and offer meaningful apologies, even when you remember parts of your relationship differently.
You can receive genuine understanding and apologies for the pain you experienced, even though you were the partner who had the affair. You’ll also learn how to express dissatisfaction and painful feelings directly, rather than withdrawing, avoiding difficult conversations, or keeping your unhappiness secret.
→ You can feel comfortable enjoying sexual intimacy again, even when infidelity has changed how you feel about sex with your partner.
As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I’ll help you address questions about the sexual aspects of the infidelity, discuss what kinds of touch feel comfortable, and work through differences in desire or expectations. We can also explore what each of you enjoys sexually and what you’d like to change about your intimate relationship, without either partner feeling pressured.
Whether you’ve continued having sex or taken a break, you can begin enjoying physical and sexual intimacy with a clearer understanding of each other’s needs. You’ll also feel more confident communicating what feels good, what doesn’t, and what you’re comfortable with.
Who is a Good Fit for this Service?
Couples therapy after infidelity is for couples who both want to repair their relationship and are willing to put time and effort into rebuilding trust.
The infidelity must have ended before we begin working together. I don’t work with couples while an affair is still ongoing.
I work with couples recovering from many forms of infidelity, including physical and emotional affairs, secret online relationships, sexting, paying for sex, and broken agreements in open or non-monogamous relationships.
I also welcome LGBTQIA+ couples and couples where one or both partners is neurodivergent.
If there’s ongoing domestic violence in your relationship, couples therapy may not be a safe place to begin. Individual support and safety planning may be more appropriate before considering work together.
Infidelity therapist & certified Gottman method couples therapist
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a licensed therapist since 1988, and affair recovery has been a central part of my couples practice for more than two decades.
An affair is a crisis, and most couples who come to me have already spent months trying to resolve it on their own, leaving them feeling even more disconnected.
Infidelity creates a specific communication breakdown that good intentions alone often can’t fix. The betrayed partner may need to talk about what happened to process the betrayal, while the unfaithful partner may shut down out of guilt, shame, or defensiveness.
When couples try to resolve the damage caused by the affair without outside help, those conversations can reinforce the same difficulties rather than resolve them. I provide a research-supported, structured approach to helping couples repair their relationship after infidelity.
If the description on this page sounded like your relationship, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online couples therapy sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples throughout the North Shore and the surrounding Massachusetts communities.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. Extended sessions (3+ hours) are available for couples who want to make faster progress.
I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
How to get started in couples therapy
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar using the button directly below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you and your partner will receive new client forms via email, which you’ll both review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas Served on the North Shore of Massachusetts
I’m independently licensed in Massachusetts as a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW1144781), and I provide online couples therapy after infidelity throughout the North Shore and surrounding communities.
This includes:
Salem and nearby communities: Salem, Beverly, Peabody, Danvers, Marblehead, Swampscott, Lynn, Nahant, and Saugus.
Cape Ann: Gloucester, Rockport, Manchester-by-the-Sea, and Essex.
Other North Shore communities: Hamilton, Wenham, Ipswich, Middleton, Topsfield, and Lynnfield.
Greater Newburyport area: Newburyport, Newbury, Rowley, Amesbury, and Salisbury.
You and your partner can attend sessions together from home or join separately.
I also provide online couples therapy after infidelity in Boston and throughout Massachusetts.
Common Questions about couples therapy after infidelity on the North Shore —
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Yes. I help the unfaithful partner recognize when they’re becoming defensive and learn to answer questions without arguing, minimizing what happened, or becoming overwhelmed by shame.
I’ll also help you express your anger and ask difficult questions without the conversation escalating into another argument. Your need for honest answers remains important, even when those conversations are uncomfortable for your partner.
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That’s something we can work on in our sessions. I’ll help you look at what happens when you try to have those conversations at home, including where things become difficult and how each of you responds.
We can practice different ways of handling those moments and discuss what to do when a conversation isn’t going well. You can also bring unresolved questions back to our sessions rather than feeling that you have to settle everything on your own.
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Yes. I offer 90-minute sessions and extended sessions of 3-6 hours, in addition to standard 60-minute appointments.
Longer sessions can give us more uninterrupted time to address questions about the infidelity or work through conversations that would be difficult to complete in a shorter appointment. We can discuss which session length makes sense for your circumstances.
Still Have Questions about Couples Therapy for Infidelity?
Contact me using the button below. I’ll respond within 2 business days.