Couples Therapy for Mismatched Sexual Desire & Desire Discrepancy ● AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist ● Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Sex Therapy for Massachusetts Couples with Differences in Sexual Desire
Online Sex Therapy for Couples Throughout Massachusetts
Sex Therapy for desire Differences in Your Relationship
You both love each other and want a satisfying sexual relationship together. But your partner wants sex more often than you do, and you’re both increasingly frustrated by how much of your relationship revolves around that difference.
You know they miss having sex with you. They’ve told you how important sexual intimacy is to them, and you understand why they’re unhappy. What frustrates you is that knowing how they feel doesn’t make you want sex more often.
Sometimes you wish you could simply decide to feel interested. You remember enjoying sex without having to think so much about it, and you miss that part of yourself. Now, even when you have time together and nothing obvious is getting in the way, the desire you hoped to feel isn’t there.
When your partner brings up sex, you hear the disappointment in their voice. You try to explain that you’re frustrated with the situation, too, but the conversation keeps returning to how long it’s been or when you’ll feel interested again.
Your partner is struggling with their own doubts. They wonder whether you still find them attractive and why something that once brought you closer has become so difficult. They’ve tried initiating differently and giving you more space, but they’re starting to question whether anything will change.
You’ve made efforts together. You’ve planned time alone, tried to prioritize intimacy, and hoped that feeling more relaxed would make sex appealing again. Sometimes things improve briefly, but the difference in desire remains.
What troubles you most is that your partner increasingly sees your lack of sexual interest as something you’re choosing. You wish they understood that you’re trying to solve the problem, too. Instead, you’re beginning to feel that no matter what you say or do, you’re disappointing someone you love.
Recently, your partner has begun questioning whether the two of you can remain happy together if your sexual relationship doesn’t improve. You’re scared of losing them, especially when you’ve been trying to solve the problem and still don’t know what needs to change.
You want to understand what’s affecting your sexual desire, find ways to make sex more appealing to both of you, and stop letting the difference threaten a relationship you want to preserve.
Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW | AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist & Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist
I’ve helped couples with sexual desire discrepancy for more than fifteen years.
I’ve been a therapist since 1988, and I’m both an AASECT-certified sex therapist and a Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist. I work with couples throughout Massachusetts who want a more satisfying sexual relationship but have become frustrated because their efforts to improve things haven’t lasted.
During our sessions, I’ll assess what’s contributing to your difference in sexual desire. We’ll examine when the difference developed, changes in your physical health or medication, whether sex has become less enjoyable, and how your relationship has changed over time. My training in both sex therapy and couples therapy helps me distinguish sexual difficulties from relationship problems and recognize when they’re influencing each other.
For the partner who wants less sex, I’ll help you understand what’s making sexual intimacy unappealing or difficult to enjoy. Depending on what we discover, we’ll address concerns such as physical discomfort, dissatisfaction with the sex you’re having, or resentment that has affected your interest in your partner. If a medical concern needs attention, I’ll recommend involving an appropriate healthcare provider.
I’ll also help the partner who wants more sex understand what’s happening without assuming the lack of sexual interest means their partner no longer finds them attractive. We’ll address how you express your needs, respond to differences in desire, and approach sexual intimacy so that neither partner feels responsible for producing desire on demand.
When conversations about sex repeatedly end in frustration, you’ll learn how to talk about what each of you wants without turning the conversation into another argument about sexual frequency.
Between appointments, you’ll practice the changes we develop together. During our sessions, we’ll review what’s improving, what remains difficult, and whether we need to adjust our approach.
Here’s what you can expect from me in our sex therapy sessions:
I take both of your experiences seriously, the partner who wants more sex and the partner who wants less. I’m not here to fix or change either one of you.
We talk about sex directly, in plain words, and sex stays at the center of our sessions.
We won’t put sex on a schedule. Instead, the three of us make a plan for bringing touch back, and you both agree to each step before you try the step at home.
The goal is to help you develop a sexual relationship that both of you enjoy, rather than continuing to rely on attempts that haven’t addressed the underlying problem.
We meet by secure video, and you’ll both need to be in Massachusetts during each session. You can live anywhere in Massachusetts.
How your relationship can change after sex therapy with me
A satisfying sexual relationship includes pleasure, genuine interest, and a sense that both partners’ needs matter. Here’s what you can work toward together.
You Can Look Forward to Sexual Intimacy Again
You look forward to being sexual with your partner because the experiences you share are pleasurable and satisfying for you, too.
You feel comfortable enjoying intimacy at your own pace, with sexual experiences that reflect your preferences and genuine interest.
Sex becomes a part of your relationship that brings you satisfaction and enjoyment, rather than something you participate in primarily to please your partner.
You Can Understand Each Other’s Sexual Needs
You understand what makes sexual intimacy important to your partner, and they understand what contributes to your own interest and enjoyment.
You can discuss how often you’d like to have sex, which kinds of intimacy you each enjoy, and what you both want your sexual relationship to include.
When your preferences differ, you can make decisions together that respect both partners’ needs. You leave those conversations knowing what you’ve agreed to and feeling good about the choices you’ve made.
You Can Feel Genuinely Desired by Your Partner
Your partner expresses sexual attraction and interest in ways you can recognize and enjoy.
When you’re intimate together, you experience their enthusiasm and pleasure. You feel wanted by the person you love because sexual intimacy is something they’re choosing to share with you.
You’re able to enjoy being sexual together without continually questioning whether your partner genuinely wants the experience.
You Can Feel Confident About Your Future Together
You look forward to vacations, weekends away, and ordinary evenings at home knowing that sexual intimacy has a place in your relationship that both of you enjoy.
You’ve developed a sex life that reflects your preferences and gives both of you something to look forward to.
You can imagine growing older together with a sexual relationship that continues to be meaningful, pleasurable, and satisfying for both of you, even as your needs and circumstances change.
Read the full explanation of how sex therapy for desire discrepancy works →
Who is a good fit for sex therapy for Couples with desire discrepancy?
Sex therapy for desire discrepancy works best when both partners attend sessions and both want a more satisfying sex life together.
You don’t have to agree on what caused the desire gap or feel equally motivated to close it. You only need to be willing to try.
I also work with couples where one or both partners are autistic and/or have ADHD, and LGBTQIA+ and polyamorous or open-relationship couples and individuals, since standard sex therapy frameworks were built on neurotypical, heterosexual, monogamous, cisgendered assumptions that don’t fit every relationship.
If there’s ongoing domestic violence in your relationship, sex therapy isn’t the right starting place; individual therapy is safer.
A certified sex therapist and couples therapist with more than 15 years treating differences in sexual desire
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a therapist since 1988, and for more than 15 years, I’ve helped couples whose differences in sexual desire have become a source of frustration, hurt, or uncertainty about their relationship.
As both an AASECT-certified sex therapist and a Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist, I bring two areas of specialized training to your treatment. I can assess how sexual desire, arousal, physical health, sexual satisfaction, and relationship difficulties influence one another, including concerns that aren’t immediately obvious to either partner.
Couples can spend years trying to improve their sexual relationship without understanding why their desires differ. I’ll help you identify what’s contributing to the problem and address those issues so you can build a sexual relationship that feels satisfying to both of you.
If the description on this page sounded like your relationship, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online sex therapy sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples across Massachusetts.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. Extended sessions (3+ hours) are available for couples who want to make faster progress.
I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
How to get started in sex therapy
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar using the button below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you and your partner will receive new client forms via email, which you’ll both review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas Served in Massachusetts
I’m independently licensed in Massachusetts as a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW1144781), and I offer online sex therapy for couples with differences in sexual desire through secure, HIPAA-compliant video across the state.
This includes:
Boston and Greater Boston, including Cambridge, Somerville, Newton, Wellesley, Lexington, Weston, Malden, Waltham, Revere, Brookline, Medford, Everett, Watertown, Chelsea, Woburn, Arlington, Melrose, Needham, and Natick
The South Shore, including Quincy, Weymouth, Braintree, Brockton, Plymouth, Hingham, Marshfield, and Scituate
The North Shore, including Lynn, Salem, Beverly, Peabody, Danvers, Gloucester, and Marblehead
The Merrimack Valley, including Lowell, Lawrence, Haverhill, and Methuen
Central Massachusetts, including Worcester, Framingham, Marlborough, Leominster, Fitchburg, and Westborough
Western Massachusetts, including Springfield, Northampton, Amherst, Pittsfield, Chicopee, Holyoke, West Springfield, and Agawam
The South Coast and Cape Cod, including New Bedford, Fall River, Barnstable, Taunton, Attleboro, and Dartmouth
If you’re anywhere in Massachusetts, I can work with you online.
Questions About Sex Therapy for Massachusetts Couples with Desire Discrepancy
Frequently asked questions —
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No. You can attend sessions from different locations, provided each partner is physically located in a state where I’m authorized to practice. I practice in Massachusetts, New York, Washington, Oregon, and Florida.
Sessions take place through secure, HIPAA-compliant video. You can join from the same private space or separate locations, whichever works better for you.
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Yes. Medical conditions, hormonal changes, medications, and physical discomfort can all affect sexual desire. My role as an AASECT-certified sex therapist includes helping you understand how these factors interact with your sexual experiences and relationship.
During our assessment, I’ll explore when the difference in desire developed, what has changed, and whether medical evaluation or treatment would be appropriate. When necessary, I’ll recommend working with your physician or another qualified healthcare provider alongside our sessions.
We can also address how you and your partner maintain a pleasurable, satisfying sexual relationship while accommodating health-related changes.
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You can begin sex therapy even if one of you feels more hopeful or motivated than the other, provided both partners are willing to participate.
I’ll give each of you opportunities to explain what you want from therapy, what concerns you have, and what a satisfying sexual relationship would look like for you.
You don’t have to agree on how often you should have sex or what needs to change before your first appointment. Part of my role is helping you understand each other’s priorities and establish goals that respect both partners.
Still have Questions about sex therapy for desire discrepancy?
Please contact me using the button below. I will respond within 2 business days.