Couples Therapy for Mismatched Sexual Desire & Desire Discrepancy ● AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist ● Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Sex Therapy for Boston Couples with Differences in Sexual Desire
Online sex therapy for Massachusetts couples in Boston, Cambridge, Brookline, and Somerville
Sex therapy for Boston couples who feel like roommates
You and your partner make a good team. You split the errands and the grocery runs, you plan weekends together, and you still make each other laugh over dinner.
Over your years of living together, though, sex has become rare, and one of you wants sex more often than the other does. On most nights, the two of you feel more like roommates than partners, and the difference in sexual desire has become a sore spot between you.
If you’re the partner who wants more sex, you remember when the two of you had sex several times a week. After hearing no more often than yes, you stopped asking, hoping your partner would miss sex and make the first move. Months later, your partner still hasn’t started sex, and you’ve started to feel like someone your partner lives with instead of someone your partner wants.
If you’re the partner who wants less sex, you love your partner and like the life the two of you share. By the end of a workday, though, you’d rather watch a show on the couch than have sex. You felt relieved when your partner stopped asking, but the relief faded, because you can tell your partner is waiting for you to initiate sex. You used to hug your partner from behind while your partner brushed their teeth, and now you worry that a hug at bedtime will turn into a request for sex, so you’ve started saying good night from your side of the bed.
You still enjoy each other’s company when you’re out together. On a Saturday, the two of you rent a boat on Jamaica Pond, take turns rowing, and hold hands on the walk back to the car.
At home that evening, you split the dishes, answer a few emails, and watch a show from opposite ends of the couch. Then each of you goes to sleep, and neither of you mentions sex.
Feeling like roommates doesn’t mean the two of you have stopped loving each other. There’s hope. With sex therapy, many couples feel like partners again and start enjoying sex together, and the two of you can, too.
Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW | AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist & Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist
I help Boston couples who have been living like roommates bring back physical touch and start enjoying sex again.
I’ve worked as a therapist since 1988, and for more than fifteen years, I’ve focused on sex therapy for couples.
As a sex therapist certified by AASECT, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, I treat low desire and other problems with sex. As a certified Gottman Method couples therapist, I help partners rebuild everyday closeness, using an approach built on research with couples. I also train other therapists, as an AASECT Approved Supervisor and a Gottman Method trainer, and I combine sex therapy and the Gottman Method in our sessions.
When sex becomes infrequent, both of you can feel less close during the rest of the day. My training addresses both sex and your relationship.
I see the two of you together because your different experiences of sexual desire both deserve attention. I’ll assess what’s contributing to the difference, including changes in sexual enjoyment, arousal, physical health, and your relationship. I’ll also help each of you understand how the other has experienced the difficulties between you, so we can address both the sexual concerns and any hurt that has developed around them.
Here’s what you can expect from me as your sex therapist:
We talk about sex directly, in plain words, and sex stays at the center of our sessions.
Once I understand what’s contributing to your difficulties, I’ll recommend treatment that fits your relationship. That could involve addressing concerns about sexual pleasure or arousal, relationship difficulties, or using structured touch exercises when they’re appropriate. We’ll decide together what to try, with both partners’ comfort and preferences taken seriously.
I take both of your experiences seriously, whether you’re the partner who wants more sex or the partner who wants less. The partner who wants more sex won’t be told that wanting sex is the problem, and the partner who wants less sex won’t be asked to say yes when they don’t want to. Together, we work toward sex you both look forward to.
We meet by secure video, and you’ll both need to be in Massachusetts during each session.
How your relationship changes after sex therapy with me
In our first sessions, I ask each of you when sex started to fade and what you’ve stopped saying about sex to avoid a hard conversation.
While one of you talks, I help the other partner listen without defending themselves, so each of you hears your partner’s side in full. Many couples learn that both partners have missed being close, and that both partners have been waiting for the other to make the first move.
When difficulties with everyday closeness are contributing to your sexual relationship, I’ll use my couples therapy training to help you understand what’s happening between you. That can include working on how you respond to each other’s attempts at affection or connection.
I’ll also assess whether changes in sexual pleasure, arousal, physical health, or other concerns are affecting your interest in sex. Once we understand what needs attention, I’ll recommend interventions suited to your relationship.
For some couples, structured touch exercises help make physical intimacy more comfortable and enjoyable. For others, we’ll focus first on sexual concerns or relationship difficulties that need different treatment. We’ll adjust our approach based on how both of you respond.
After each session, you take home one specific step. At our next session, we talk about how the week went, and if a step went badly, I help you work out what got in the way and change the plan. Then we choose the next step together.
If you’re the partner who wants more sex, you can enjoy sexual intimacy that feels mutual and satisfying. You understand more about what makes sex appealing to your partner, and you can experience genuine sexual interest and pleasure together without measuring your connection by how often you have sex.
If you’re the partner who wants less sex, you can enjoy affection without feeling that every touch needs to lead to sex.
You have a better understanding of what makes sexual intimacy pleasurable for you, and you can express what you want and what you don’t. You can share intimate experiences you genuinely enjoy while feeling comfortable with your own level of sexual interest.
Over time, the two of you feel like partners at home, too. You sit together in the middle of the couch instead of at opposite ends, and you kiss good night on the way to bed.
Who is a good fit for sex therapy for Couples with desire discrepancy?
Sex therapy for desire discrepancy works best when both partners attend sessions and both want a more satisfying sex life together.
You don’t have to agree on what caused the desire gap or feel equally motivated to close it. You only need to be willing to try.
I also work with couples where one or both partners are autistic and/or have ADHD, and LGBTQIA+ and polyamorous or open-relationship couples and individuals, since standard sex therapy frameworks were built on neurotypical, heterosexual, monogamous, cisgendered assumptions that don’t fit every relationship.
If there’s ongoing domestic violence in your relationship, sex therapy isn’t the right starting place; individual therapy is safer.
A certified sex therapist and couples therapist with more than 15 years treating differences in sexual desire
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a therapist since 1988, and for more than 15 years, I’ve helped couples whose differences in sexual desire have become a source of frustration, hurt, or uncertainty about their relationship.
As both an AASECT-certified sex therapist and a Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist, I bring two areas of specialized training to your treatment. I can assess how sexual desire, arousal, physical health, sexual satisfaction, and relationship difficulties influence one another, including concerns that aren’t immediately obvious to either partner.
Couples can spend years trying to improve their sexual relationship without understanding why their desires differ. I’ll help you identify what’s contributing to the problem and address those issues so you can build a sexual relationship that feels satisfying to both of you.
If the description on this page sounded like your relationship, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online sex therapy sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples in Boston, Cambridge, Brookline, and across Massachusetts.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. Extended sessions (3+ hours) are available for couples who want to make faster progress.
I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
How to get started in sex therapy
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar using the button below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you and your partner will receive new client forms via email, which you’ll both review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas served in Boston, Cambridge, Brookline, and Somerville
I’m licensed in Massachusetts as a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW1144781), and I see couples for sex therapy by secure, HIPAA-compliant video across Boston and the cities next to Boston.
Couples join sessions from every Boston neighborhood: Allston, Back Bay, Bay Village, Beacon Hill, Brighton, Charlestown, Chinatown-Leather District, Dorchester, Downtown, East Boston, Fenway-Kenmore, Hyde Park, Jamaica Plain, Mattapan, Mid-Dorchester, Mission Hill, North End, Roslindale, Roxbury, South Boston, South End, West End, West Roxbury, and Wharf District.
Next to Boston, I also see couples in Cambridge, Somerville, Arlington, Belmont, Watertown, and Medford, and in Brookline and Milton.
If you’re anywhere in Boston or a nearby city, I can work with you.
Questions About Sex Therapy for Boston Couples with Desire Discrepancy —
-
Yes. In our sessions, the two of you rebuild everyday closeness first, such as hugs, kisses, and time together without screens. Then we add touch and sex at a pace you both agree on.
-
Yes. You’ll sign on to the same secure video link. For example, one of you can join from an office in Boston and the other from home. You just need privacy and a reliable internet connection.
-
No. I’m not in-network with any insurance company, and I don’t provide Superbills for couples sessions. You’re welcome to use an HSA or FSA card for our sessions if you like.
Still have Questions about sex therapy for desire discrepancy?
Please contact me using the button below. I will respond within 2 business days.