Couples Therapy for Mismatched Sexual Desire & Desire Discrepancy ● AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist ● Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Sex Therapy for Newton, MA Couples with Differences in Sexual Desire
Online sex therapy for Massachusetts couples in Newton, Wellesley, and nearby towns
Mismatched sexual desire for Newton & Wellesley couples
You and your partner talk about everything. Over dinner, you sort out the week’s carpools, compare notes on the kids’ teachers, and decide which of your parents needs a call this weekend. You still make each other laugh, and you still ask for each other’s advice.
But one of you wants to have sex more often than the other does, and the difference in sexual desire is the one subject the two of you find hard to talk about.
If you’re the partner who wants more sex, you’ve tried to bring up sex a few times. Each conversation ended in an apology, a change of subject, or a long silence, so you stopped raising the topic. Now you talk easily about soccer schedules and science fairs, but you keep the question you most want to ask to yourself: whether your partner still wants you.
If you’re the partner who wants less sex, you’re still thinking about permission slips, dentist appointments, and tomorrow’s pickup times after the children are asleep. You’d like to talk about what gets in the way of wanting sex, but you worry that any explanation will sound like blame, so you say you’re tired. You used to kiss your partner in the kitchen once the house was quiet, and now you keep busy with the dishwasher so a kiss won’t lead to a question about sex.
You still enjoy each other’s company. On Marathon Monday, the two of you stand on Commonwealth Avenue in Newton with the kids, hold hands while you wait for the runners, and talk the whole time.
At home that night, you go over the week’s schedule in bed until one of you turns out the light. Neither of you brings up sex.
Desire discrepancy is the clinical name for an ongoing difference in how much sex two partners want. Many couples who talk well about everything else find sex the hardest subject to raise.
When sex is hard to talk about, the two of you can still learn new ways to talk about sex. With sex therapy, many couples learn to talk about sex as easily as they talk about the rest of their lives, and they start enjoying sex together again. The two of you can, too.
Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW | AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist & Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist
I help Newton couples talk about sex as easily as they talk about everything else.
I’ve worked as a therapist since 1988, and for more than fifteen years, I’ve focused on sex therapy for couples.
When sex is hard for the two of you to talk about, you can end up having sex less often and feeling less close as partners, so I use training that addresses both sex and your relationship.
As a sex therapist certified by AASECT, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, I treat low desire and other problems with sex itself. As a certified Gottman Method couples therapist, I teach partners how to raise hard topics without blame, using an approach built on research with couples. I also train other therapists, as an AASECT Approved Supervisor and a Gottman Method trainer, and I combine sex therapy and the Gottman Method in our sessions.
I see the two of you together because I need to understand both partners’ experiences of sexual desire and what’s contributing to the difference. I’ll assess sexual satisfaction, arousal, physical health, stress, and relationship concerns, including anything that’s making sex difficult to discuss.
I’ll also help you talk about what you’ve been keeping to yourselves, so we can address the sexual concerns alongside the misunderstandings that have developed between you.
Here’s what you can expect from me as your sex therapist:
We talk about sex directly, in plain words, and sex stays at the center of our sessions.
I’ll use what we learn during the assessment to recommend treatment that fits your relationship. That could involve addressing concerns about pleasure or arousal, working on relationship difficulties, or introducing structured touch exercises when appropriate. We’ll decide together what to try, with both partners’ comfort and preferences guiding our approach.
I take both of your experiences seriously, whether you’re the partner who wants more sex or the partner who wants less. The partner who wants more sex won’t be told that wanting sex is the problem, and the partner who wants less sex won’t be asked to say yes when they don’t want to. Together, we work toward sex you both look forward to.
We meet by secure video, and you’ll both need to be in Massachusetts during each session.
How your relationship changes after sex therapy with me
Without intervention, the silence about sex can last for years. The longer the two of you go without talking about sex, the harder a first conversation about sex can feel.
In our sessions, I ask each of you what you’ve wanted to say about sex and what has kept you from speaking up. While one of you talks, I help the other partner listen without getting defensive or shutting down.
Many couples learn that both partners have stopped bringing up sex for the same reason: each partner wanted to keep the other from feeling hurt.
From my couples therapy training, I also teach you a way to raise a concern or need without blaming your partner or judging their character.
The partner who wants more sex might say, “I feel lonely when we go weeks without sex, and I’d like us to spend an evening alone together.” The partner who wants less sex might say, “I feel worn out after a day of driving the kids around, and I need an hour to myself before I can think about sex.”
Once I understand what’s contributing to your differences in desire, I’ll recommend treatment based on what each of you needs. That may include addressing sexual satisfaction or arousal, resolving relationship concerns, or using structured touch exercises to make physical intimacy more comfortable and enjoyable. We’ll review how those changes are working and adjust our approach based on both partners’ experiences.
After each session, you take home one specific step, such as a ten-minute talk about what each of you enjoys. At our next session, we talk about how the week went, and if a step went badly, I help you work out what got in the way and change the plan. Then we choose the next step together.
If you’re the partner who wants more sex, you can tell your partner what sexual intimacy means to you and feel that your concerns are taken seriously. You can enjoy sexual experiences that feel wanted and satisfying to both of you, with a better understanding of how your partner experiences desire.
If you’re the partner who wants less sex, you can explain what affects your interest without worrying that your partner will hear it as criticism. Whether you need more time to yourself after managing the children’s schedules or there are other factors affecting your desire, we’ll address what’s contributing to the difficulty. You can enjoy intimacy that reflects your own interests and comfort, and feel free to say yes when you want sex and no when you don’t.
Over time, sex becomes one more subject the two of you can talk about over dinner or in bed.
Read more about how sex therapy works for desire discrepancy →
Who is a good fit for sex therapy for Couples with desire discrepancy?
Sex therapy for desire discrepancy works best when both partners attend sessions and both want a more satisfying sex life together.
You don’t have to agree on what caused the desire gap or feel equally motivated to close it. You only need to be willing to try.
I also work with couples where one or both partners are autistic and/or have ADHD, and LGBTQIA+ and polyamorous or open-relationship couples and individuals, since standard sex therapy frameworks were built on neurotypical, heterosexual, monogamous, cisgendered assumptions that don’t fit every relationship.
If there’s ongoing domestic violence in your relationship, sex therapy isn’t the right starting place; individual therapy is safer.
A certified sex therapist and couples therapist with more than 15 years treating differences in sexual desire
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a therapist since 1988, and for more than 15 years, I’ve helped couples whose differences in sexual desire have become a source of frustration, hurt, or uncertainty about their relationship.
As both an AASECT-certified sex therapist and a Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist, I bring two areas of specialized training to your treatment. I can assess how sexual desire, arousal, physical health, sexual satisfaction, and relationship difficulties influence one another, including concerns that aren’t immediately obvious to either partner.
Couples can spend years trying to improve their sexual relationship without understanding why their desires differ. I’ll help you identify what’s contributing to the problem and address those issues so you can build a sexual relationship that feels satisfying to both of you.
If the description on this page sounded like your relationship, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online sex therapy sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples across Newton, Wellesley, the nearby towns, and the rest of Massachusetts.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. Extended sessions (3+ hours) are available for couples who want to make faster progress.
I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
How to get started in sex therapy
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar using the button below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you and your partner will receive new client forms via email, which you’ll both review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas served in Newton, Wellesley, and nearby towns
I’m licensed in Massachusetts as a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW1144781), and I see couples for sex therapy by secure, HIPAA-compliant video across Newton, Wellesley, and the nearby towns.
Couples join sessions from every Newton village: Auburndale, Chestnut Hill, Newton Centre, Newton Corner, Newton Highlands, Newton Lower Falls, Newton Upper Falls, Newtonville, Nonantum, Oak Hill, Thompsonville, Waban, and West Newton.
Next to Newton, I also see couples in Wellesley, Needham, Weston, and Waltham. Near Wellesley and Needham, I see couples in Natick, Dover, Sherborn, Westwood, and Dedham. To the west and north, I see couples in Wayland, Sudbury, Lincoln, Concord, and Lexington.
If you’re anywhere in Newton or a nearby town, I can work with you.
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In our sessions, I help both you and your partner listen without defensiveness or blame. You practice each conversation with me first, then try a shorter version at home.
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In many couples who come to see me, the partner who wants more sex has stopped bringing it up to spare both of you another hard conversation. In our sessions, the two of you agree on when and how either partner can raise the topic of sex so that neither of you has to wait for the “right” moment.
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Yes, for both of you. If you’re the partner who wants less sex, I won’t push you toward sex you don’t want. We look at what has made sex hard to want and hard to talk about, and we work toward sex you want to have, at a pace that feels okay to you.
If you’re the partner who wants more sex, wanting sex with your partner is normal, and I take your experience as seriously as your partner’s. We work on how to bring up sex without pressure and how to hear no without assuming the worst.
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Yes. You’ll sign on to the same secure video link. For example, one of you can join from an office in Boston and the other from home. You just need privacy and a reliable internet connection.
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No. I’m not in-network with any insurance company, and I don’t provide Superbills for couples sessions. You’re welcome to use an HSA or FSA card for our sessions if you like.
Questions About Sex Therapy for Newton, MA Couples with Desire Discrepancy —
Still have Questions about sex therapy for desire discrepancy?
Please contact me using the button below. I will respond within 2 business days.