Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist · AASECT Certified Sex Therapist · Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Couples Therapy After Infidelity in Washington
Serving Couples in Washington State Online via Secure Telehealth
If you’re the partner who was betrayed…
Things weren’t perfect before you discovered your partner’s infidelity. You had disagreements and frustrations, but you loved your partner, enjoyed your life together, and believed you were committed to each other.
You had no idea your partner was having an affair.
Now you look back at that time and wonder how you could have felt so confident about your relationship when something so important was happening without your knowledge.
You remember conversations when your partner seemed happy, plans you made together, and times when you felt close to them. You had no reason to believe they were keeping something so consequential from you.
You want to repair your relationship, and there are moments when you enjoy being together again. Your partner may be more attentive, more forthcoming about their day, and willing to answer questions they once avoided.
But you remember feeling happy and confident before, too.
You don’t want to spend the rest of your relationship questioning every good experience or wondering whether your partner is hiding something. At the same time, you know that feeling close to someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re telling you the truth about what’s happening in their life.
You want to understand how your partner was able to keep the affair secret while continuing to share a life with you. And you want to know what they understand now about those decisions and how they’ll handle difficult situations differently.
You want to enjoy your relationship again, knowing that your partner is willing to tell you the truth even when it’s uncomfortable, bring up problems rather than conceal them, and take responsibility for decisions that affect both of you. You want your confidence in the relationship to be supported by what your partner consistently does, not simply by how good things feel between you.
If you’re the unfaithful partner…
You know how deeply your infidelity has hurt your partner, and you want to repair the relationship. You’ve promised to be honest with them, even when the truth is uncomfortable.
But sometimes you still find yourself hesitating before telling them something you know they won’t like.
Maybe you had an interaction with someone that you know your partner would want to hear about. Or you’re unhappy about something in your relationship, but you’re reluctant to bring it up when your partner is already struggling with the betrayal.
You tell yourself you’ll mention it later, when things are going better between you. Or you convince yourself that it isn’t important enough to upset your partner over.
You may genuinely believe you’re trying to spare your partner more pain. You may not be sure which things need to be discussed and which are better left alone, especially when honesty seems to lead to another painful conversation.
Now you’re struggling with what being fully honest requires of you.
You don’t want every uncomfortable conversation to turn into another argument about the infidelity. You may worry that mentioning a problem in your relationship will sound like you’re blaming your partner for what happened. And when you do try to be honest about something difficult, your partner’s reaction can leave you wishing you’d never brought it up.
You want your partner to know they can count on you to tell them the truth. But you’re realizing that this means being willing to have conversations you would previously have avoided, including conversations where your partner may feel hurt, angry, or disappointed.
You want to repair the trust you’ve damaged, but you need help figuring out how to be honest when telling the truth feels risky. You want to be able to bring up difficult feelings, admit mistakes, and discuss problems in your relationship without returning to secrecy or withholding information.
Hope After Infidelity
Rebuilding trust after infidelity requires more than promising to be honest.
You need to be able to discuss uncomfortable things, including concerns about the affair and difficulties in your relationship, without those conversations repeatedly ending in arguments or withdrawal.
In couples therapy, if the unfaithful partner hesitates to share something uncomfortable, I’ll help them explain what they’ve been reluctant to say and why, rather than leaving their partner to guess or ask repeated questions.
When the betrayed partner is upset by what they hear, I’ll help them express their concerns in such a way that the unfaithful partner can listen, answer honestly, and take responsibility without becoming defensive.
I’ll also help you recognize when a conversation is becoming too heated to continue productively, how to take a break without abandoning the subject, and how to return to it.
You can begin having difficult conversations without either of you feeling that honesty will inevitably lead to another argument.
How affair recovery works
How I help Washington couples repair their relationship after infidelity, betrayal, and affairs
When you come to couples therapy because of an affair, we won’t spend months discussing older relationship problems before addressing the betrayal. After our initial three-session assessment, we’ll begin working directly on the affair, the questions that still need answers, and the hurt it’s caused.
There’s a clinical reason for starting here, too. Even when you’re trying to talk about problems that existed before the affair, the betrayal can affect how you hear and respond to each other. We need to address what happened before we can work effectively on those older problems.
I’ll guide you through the recovery process in this order:
A three-session assessment
Repairing the betrayal and hurt caused by the affair
Repairing older hurts and vulnerabilities in the relationship
Finally, repairing your sexual relationship, once trust has had enough time to rebuild
Read more about the full process I take couples through after infidelity here →
How couples therapy can Change Your Relationship after infidelity
1. You can get honest answers about the infidelity without having to fight for every piece of information.
You may have spent hours asking questions about the affair, only to discover later that something important was left out. Even when your partner answers you directly, you may wonder whether there are things you haven’t thought to ask.
In therapy, I’ll help you identify the questions you need answered and guide your partner in responding honestly, including when the answers are difficult or embarrassing. If an explanation is incomplete or contradicts something you were told earlier, we’ll address that rather than leaving you to piece together the information yourself.
I’ll also help the unfaithful partner understand the importance of volunteering relevant information instead of waiting for a specific question. We’ll discuss what they need to disclose, how to raise something uncomfortable, and how to respond when their partner has additional questions.
You can begin feeling more confident that you understand what happened without having to discover every detail yourself. As your partner becomes more forthcoming and demonstrates greater consistency between what they say and what they do, you can begin relying on their honesty rather than feeling responsible for uncovering the truth.
2. You can manage longstanding disagreements without feeling that one of you has to give in.
In therapy, I’ll help you identify when a disagreement about a present decision is bringing up unresolved concerns about the betrayal. We’ll address those concerns directly rather than insisting they have nothing to do with the issue you’re discussing.
I’ll also help you work through disagreements that may have existed long before the affair. Some of these involve fundamental differences between you, such as how you approach money, how much time you want to spend together, or what you believe is important when raising children.
Rather than trying to convince one another to change, I’ll help you understand why each issue matters so much to your partner, including the experiences, values, and needs behind your different positions. We’ll look for compromises that respect what’s important to both of you, while learning how to discuss disagreements that may never be completely resolved.
You can make decisions together without feeling that one person has to sacrifice what matters to them to keep the peace. You’ll be better able to understand and accommodate your differences, including those that have caused disagreements for years.
3. If you’re the unfaithful partner, your hurt and dissatisfaction can be heard and taken seriously, too.
You may feel tremendous shame about your decision to have an affair while also feeling angry about how your partner treated you. And you may worry that whenever you describe something hurtful they did, the conversation will return to your infidelity, and your complaints will never receive serious attention.
In therapy, I’ll help you express how your partner’s behavior hurt you, including things you may have struggled to communicate before the affair. I’ll help you explain what happened and how it affected you without suggesting that your partner was responsible for your decision to be unfaithful.
This makes it easier for your partner to hear what you’re saying without feeling blamed for the affair. They can begin to understand the impact of their behavior, take responsibility where they’ve hurt you, and offer meaningful apologies, even when you remember parts of your relationship differently.
You can receive genuine understanding and apologies for the pain you experienced, even though you were the partner who had the affair. You’ll also learn to express dissatisfaction and painful feelings directly, rather than withdrawing, avoiding difficult conversations, or keeping your unhappiness secret.
4. You can enjoy sexual intimacy again, even when infidelity has changed how you feel about sex with your partner.
As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I’ll help you discuss how the infidelity has affected your sexual relationship, including questions about the sexual aspects of the affair, changes in desire, and concerns about being physically vulnerable with each other.
We’ll talk about what kinds of affection feel comfortable, how to initiate sex without creating pressure, and how to respond when one of you wants physical closeness but the other doesn’t. I’ll also help you address sexual difficulties that may have existed before the affair, including differences in desire or dissatisfaction that either of you struggled to discuss.
Whether you’ve continued having sex or taken a break, you can begin enjoying physical affection and sexual intimacy with greater confidence that your needs and boundaries will be understood and respected. You’ll have a better way to talk about what you want, what feels uncomfortable, and what each of you needs to enjoy being sexually close again.
Practicing the Gottman Method since 2000
I’ve been a therapist since 1988 and began studying with the Gottman Institute in 2000. I’ve been fully certified as a Gottman Method couples therapist and Gottman workshop leader since 2009.
The Gottman Method is grounded in over four decades of research with thousands of couples, including research on relationships affected by infidelity. The methods I use help couples understand why certain disagreements keep coming up, talk about painful subjects without making things worse, and repair the hurt that builds up when conversations go badly.
Gottman certification is a multi-year process. I completed all three levels of clinical training, then recorded my therapy sessions and submitted them to the Gottman Institute. Senior clinicians reviewed my work, provided feedback, and evaluated my ability to apply the method with couples.
I bring that training and clinical experience to my work with couples recovering from infidelity, helping them address the betrayal, rebuild trust, and work through difficulties in their relationship.
Who is a Good Fit for this Service?
I work with every form of infidelity: physical or emotional affairs, a secret online relationship or sexting, hidden pornography use or visits to strip clubs, secretly paying for sex, or a broken agreement in an open or non-monogamous relationship.
Therapy with me is for couples where both people want to repair the relationship.
If there is ongoing domestic violence in your relationship, couples therapy is not an appropriate service. Couples therapy asks both of you to speak honestly in session, and when one partner is being hurt or controlled at home, that honesty can create danger after the session ends. Individual therapy is a safer starting place.
Infidelity therapist & certified Gottman method couples therapist
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a licensed therapist since 1988, and affair recovery has been a central part of my couples practice for more than two decades. An affair is a crisis, and most couples who come to me have already spent months trying to resolve it on their own, leaving them feeling even more disconnected.
Infidelity creates a specific communication breakdown that good intentions can’t fix. The betrayed partner needs to talk to process what happened; the unfaithful partner shuts down out of shame or defensiveness. Attempts to resolve the damage caused by the affair without outside intervention reinforce that breakdown rather than interrupt it.
I provide the research-supported structure of repairing your relationship after infidelity.
If the description on this page sounded like your relationship, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples across Washington State.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. Extended sessions (3+ hours) are available for couples who want to make faster progress. I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
How to get started in couples therapy
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar using the button directly below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you and your partner will receive new client forms via email, which you’ll both review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas Served in Washington
I’m independently licensed in Washington as a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW license #SWI.LW.60698797), and I work with couples after infidelity, betrayal, and affairs via secure, HIPAA-compliant telehealth across the state.
This includes:
Seattle and the greater Puget Sound area, including Bellevue, Kirkland, Redmond, Renton, Kent, Everett, Shoreline, Federal Way, Auburn, Bothell, Lynnwood, Marysville, Edmonds, Sammamish, Issaquah, Burien, Mercer Island, Kenmore, Des Moines, Maple Valley, Covington, Mountlake Terrace, and SeaTac
The South Sound, including Tacoma, Olympia, Lacey, Puyallup, Lakewood, Tumwater, University Place, and Bonney Lake
Southwest Washington, including Vancouver, Camas, Battle Ground, and Longview
Eastern Washington, including Spokane, Spokane Valley, the Tri-Cities area (Kennewick, Richland, and Pasco), Yakima, Walla Walla, Wenatchee, Moses Lake, and Pullman
The Kitsap Peninsula and islands, including Bremerton, Bainbridge Island, and Oak Harbor
Whatcom and Skagit counties, including Bellingham, Mount Vernon, and Arlington
If you’re anywhere in Washington, I can work with you.
Questions about couples therapy after infidelity in Washington State
Frequently Asked Questions —
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This is something I help couples address directly in therapy. Your partner may believe they’re protecting you from additional hurt by withholding information, but discovering something later can make it even harder to trust what they tell you.
I’ll help your partner learn how to bring up uncomfortable information honestly, even when they expect you’ll be upset. We’ll also work on how to have those conversations without becoming defensive, withdrawing, or turning the discussion into an argument. You shouldn’t have to ask exactly the right question to find out something important about your relationship.
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No. I provide couples therapy exclusively through secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples throughout Washington, including Seattle, Bellevue, Tacoma, Spokane, Vancouver, and smaller communities across the state.
You and your partner can attend together from a private location or join separately.
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No. You don’t necessarily both need to be in Washington, and you can attend from separate locations.
However, each of you must be physically located in a state where I’m authorized to provide therapy at the time of your appointment. I’m licensed or authorized to provide telehealth in Washington, Oregon, New York, Massachusetts, and Florida. All appointments take place online.
Still Have Questions about Couples Therapy for Infidelity?
Contact me using the button below. I’ll respond within 2 business days.