Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist · AASECT Certified Sex Therapist · Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Couples Therapy After Infidelity in Seattle, Washington
Online couples therapy for Washington couples after infidelity, betrayal, and affairs in in Seattle, King County, Snohomish County, and Kitsap County
If you’re the partner who was betrayed…
Before discovering your partner’s infidelity, you probably didn’t give much thought to what they were doing when you weren’t together. They went to work, spent time with friends, ran errands, and came home. You had your own things going on, too.
Now you know that some of those ordinary days included time with someone else.
You keep thinking about how easy it seems to have been for your partner to carry on an affair while continuing to share a life with you.
Maybe they told you they were working late, meeting a friend, or running an errand. You believed them because you had no reason to think they were lying.
And you’re furious. Your partner was making time for someone else, sharing things with them, and making decisions that could destroy your relationship, all while you thought you were building a life together.
You can’t stop wondering what made that other person so important. What did they have that you didn’t? Why was your partner willing to risk losing you to be with them?
You feel humiliated by how much you’ve started comparing yourself to someone you never wanted to be compared with.
Now, when your partner leaves the house, you wonder whether they’re going where they say they are. If they don’t answer a message right away, your mind starts filling in the possibilities.
You never wanted to be someone who checks their partner’s location, asks for photographs to prove where they are, or feels uneasy when they spend time with friends. You miss being able to go about your day without worrying about what your partner might be doing.
Sometimes you feel angry that your partner still gets to go about their day while you’re left struggling with fears they created.
You resent having to ask questions or seek reassurance when you didn’t choose to be betrayed.
You want to feel comfortable when you and your partner are apart without having to monitor what they’re doing. You need to see that they understand how deeply their dishonesty has affected you and are willing to take responsibility for rebuilding trust.
If you’re the unfaithful partner…
You know you’ve given your partner good reasons to question where you are and what you’re doing. You lied about your whereabouts during the affair, and now even ordinary things like going to work or spending an evening with friends can make them anxious.
During the affair, you may have lived with the constant fear of being found out. You worried about a message appearing on your phone at the wrong moment, someone seeing you together, or your partner asking a question you couldn’t answer honestly. There may have been times when your stomach dropped because you thought they’d discovered something.
Now the affair has been exposed, and you’re facing the consequences you were so afraid of.
You want to repair the relationship, so you’ve been trying to reassure your partner. You answer their messages, tell them where you’re going, and make an effort to be available when they need you. But sometimes it feels like nothing you do makes a difference.
What hurts is realizing that your partner no longer sees you the way they used to. They question things you say that they once would have believed without a second thought. Sometimes they look at you as though you’re a stranger, or tell you they don’t know who you are anymore.
You want to remind them of the years you’ve spent together, the ways you’ve loved them, everything you’ve done for them, and everything you’ve shared. But you know they believed in you during the affair, too. You can’t ask them to trust you because of the person they thought you were.
You’re trying to show your partner that you can be honest and dependable now, but you don’t know how long it will take before they believe you. Sometimes you’re terrified that they never will.
You may also feel frustrated by how much reassurance your partner needs. You miss being able to go about your day without accounting for every hour, but you’re afraid to admit that. You know how it could sound if you said you wanted more independence, and you don’t want your partner to think you’re asking for opportunities to be dishonest again. Sometimes that frustration comes out as irritation or defensiveness, leaving you feeling guilty for becoming angry with someone whose trust you betrayed.
You want to find ways to demonstrate that you can be trusted again, while learning how to express your own feelings and frustrations without dismissing the hurt you caused.
Hope After Infidelity
When you’ve just discovered infidelity, it’s hard to imagine how your relationship could ever recover.
In therapy, I’ll help you begin addressing the betrayal in a way that gives both of you direction and structure.
We’ll talk about what happened, what the betrayed partner needs to understand, and how the unfaithful partner can begin taking responsibility for the hurt they’ve caused.
When the betrayed partner expresses anger, disbelief, or fear, I’ll guide the unfaithful partner in listening and responding without becoming defensive, explaining away their decisions, or asking for forgiveness before their partner is ready. We’ll also look at what the unfaithful partner can do between sessions to demonstrate honesty and consideration, so rebuilding trust doesn’t depend entirely on what they say during our therapy sessions.
You can begin to see what repairing your relationship will require and how to take the first steps together, even when you’re still hurt, angry, scared, or unsure whether you’ll ever feel the same about each other again.
How affair recovery works
How I help Seattle couples repair their relationship after infidelity, betrayal, and affairs
When you come to couples therapy because of an affair, we won’t spend months discussing older relationship problems before addressing the betrayal. After our initial three-session assessment, we’ll begin working directly on the affair, the questions that still need answers, and the hurt it’s caused.
There’s a clinical reason for starting here, too. Even when you’re trying to talk about problems that existed before the affair, the betrayal can affect how you hear and respond to each other. We need to address what happened before we can work effectively on those older problems.
I’ll guide you through the recovery process in this order:
A three-session assessment
Repairing the betrayal and hurt caused by the affair
Repairing older hurts and vulnerabilities in the relationship
Finally, repairing your sexual relationship, once trust has had enough time to rebuild
Read more about the full process I take couples through after infidelity here →
How couples therapy can Change Your Relationship after infidelity
1. You can begin trusting your partner again without feeling responsible for watching everything they do.
In couples therapy, we’ll discuss what the unfaithful partner needs to do to begin earning back your trust. I’ll guide you in establishing clear agreements about honesty, transparency, and boundaries, including how your partner will reassure and comfort you in situations that remind you of the affair.
I’ll also teach the unfaithful partner how to voluntarily share important information without waiting to be questioned, even when the information is difficult to talk about. We’ll work on acknowledging why certain situations are upsetting and following through on agreements even when doing so is inconvenient.
You can begin trusting your partner because their behavior consistently supports what they’re telling you. Over time, you can feel less responsible for monitoring their activities and more confident that your partner is taking responsibility for protecting the relationship.
2. You can talk about the infidelity without hurting each other more in the process.
In couples therapy, I’ll show you how to recognize when a conversation is becoming too intense to continue productively. We’ll practice slowing down, asking questions clearly, and expressing painful feelings without attacking or blaming each other. The unfaithful partner will learn how to acknowledge the betrayal and listen to their partner’s anger without immediately defending themselves.
We’ll also work on what happens when one of you becomes emotionally overwhelmed. You’ll learn how to ask for a break, reassure your partner that you’ll return to the conversation, and follow through rather than avoiding the subject.
You can discuss difficult things without every conversation ending in an argument or leaving one of you feeling dismissed. You’ll be better able to get answers, express painful feelings, and respond to each other with greater understanding, even when you disagree.
3. If you’re the unfaithful partner, your hurt and dissatisfaction can be heard and taken seriously, too.
You may feel tremendous shame about your decision to have an affair while also feeling angry about how your partner treated you. And you may worry that whenever you describe something hurtful they did, the conversation will return to your infidelity, and your complaints will never receive serious attention.
In therapy, I’ll help you express how your partner’s behavior hurt you, including things you may have struggled to communicate before the affair. I’ll help you explain what happened and how it affected you without suggesting that your partner was responsible for your decision to be unfaithful.
This makes it easier for your partner to hear what you’re saying without feeling blamed for the affair. They can begin to understand the impact of their behavior, take responsibility where they’ve hurt you, and offer meaningful apologies, even when you remember parts of your relationship differently.
You can receive genuine understanding and apologies for the pain you experienced, even though you were the partner who had the affair. You’ll also learn to express dissatisfaction and painful feelings directly, rather than withdrawing, avoiding difficult conversations, or keeping your unhappiness secret.
4. You can rebuild a sexual relationship that feels comfortable and satisfying for both of you.
After we’ve addressed the betrayal and begun working through older hurts in your relationship, we’ll turn more of our attention to sexual intimacy.
As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I’ll guide you through conversations about how the infidelity has changed your comfort with sex and physical affection. You may still desire your partner but feel unexpectedly uncomfortable or vulnerable during sex. Certain kinds of touch may now remind you of the affair, or you may find yourself wondering whether your partner is comparing you to the other person. Even initiating sex can feel more complicated when neither of you is sure how the other will respond.
We’ll also address sexual difficulties that existed before the affair. You’ll learn to discuss what you enjoy, what feels uncomfortable, and what each of you needs to feel desired and sexually fulfilled. If your levels of desire differ, we’ll explore ways to manage those differences without either partner feeling pressured or repeatedly rejected.
You can develop a sexual relationship where both partners feel wanted, respected, and comfortable expressing their desires. Whether you’ve continued having sex since the infidelity or taken a break, you can build greater understanding and enjoyment of physical intimacy as your relationship recovers.
Who is a Good Fit for this Service?
I work with every form of infidelity: physical or emotional affairs, a secret online relationship or sexting, hidden pornography use or visits to strip clubs, secretly paying for sex, or a broken agreement in an open or non-monogamous relationship.
Therapy with me is for couples where both people want to repair the relationship.
If there is ongoing domestic violence in your relationship, couples therapy is not an appropriate service. Couples therapy asks both of you to speak honestly in session, and when one partner is being hurt or controlled at home, that honesty can create danger after the session ends. Individual therapy is a safer starting place.
Infidelity therapist & certified Gottman method couples therapist
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a licensed therapist since 1988, and affair recovery has been a central part of my couples practice for more than two decades.
An affair is a crisis, and most couples who come to me have already spent months trying to resolve it on their own, leaving them feeling even more disconnected.
Infidelity creates a specific communication breakdown that good intentions alone often can’t fix. The betrayed partner may need to talk about what happened to process the betrayal, while the unfaithful partner may shut down out of guilt, shame, or defensiveness.
When couples try to resolve the damage caused by the affair without outside help, those conversations can reinforce the same difficulties rather than resolve them. I provide a research-supported, structured approach to helping couples repair their relationship after infidelity.
If the description on this page sounded like your relationship, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online couples therapy sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples in Seattle and the surrounding Puget Sound region.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. Extended sessions (3+ hours) are available for couples who want to make faster progress. I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
How to get started in couples therapy
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar using the button directly below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you and your partner will receive new client forms via email, which you’ll both review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas Served in Seattle, King County, and Nearby Cities
I’m licensed in Washington as a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW #SWI.LW.60698797). I work with couples through secure, HIPAA-compliant video across Seattle, King County, Snohomish County, Kitsap County, and the surrounding Puget Sound region.
I work with couples in every Seattle neighborhood, including:
Central Seattle: Capitol Hill, First Hill, Downtown, Belltown, South Lake Union, Queen Anne, Magnolia, Madison Park, Madrona, and Montlake.
North Seattle: Ballard, Fremont, Wallingford, Green Lake, Phinney Ridge, Greenwood, University District, Ravenna, Laurelhurst, and Wedgwood.
West and South Seattle: West Seattle, Alki, Admiral, Beacon Hill, Columbia City, Mount Baker, Seward Park, and Rainier Valley.
I also work with couples throughout the surrounding communities:
King County: Shoreline, Lake Forest Park, Kenmore, Renton, Burien, SeaTac, Des Moines, Tukwila, Kent, and Federal Way.
Snohomish County: Edmonds, Lynnwood, Mountlake Terrace, Mukilteo, Mill Creek, and Everett.
Kitsap County: Bainbridge Island and Poulsbo.
The Eastside: Bellevue, Mercer Island, Kirkland, Redmond, Bothell, Issaquah, and Sammamish.
All sessions take place online, so you can attend from home or another private location.
If you’re anywhere in the Seattle metro area, I can work with you.
Common Questions about couples therapy after infidelity in Seattle —
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Yes. Defensiveness is something I address directly in sessions. Your partner may feel ashamed, scared, or overwhelmed when you express how deeply they’ve hurt you, but their reaction can leave you feeling that your pain is being dismissed.
During couples therapy, your partner will learn how to acknowledge what you’re feeling and respond without arguing, explaining away their behavior, or trying to end the conversation prematurely.
You’ll also learn ways to express anger and hurt that make it easier for you and your partner to communicate and understand each other.
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No. I provide couples therapy exclusively through secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples throughout Seattle, the Eastside, and surrounding Washington communities.
You and your partner can join from the same private location or attend separately. You’ll both need to be physically located in a state where I’m authorized to provide therapy at the time of your appointment.
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No. You don’t necessarily both need to be in Washington, and you can attend from separate locations.
However, each of you must be physically located in a state where I’m authorized to provide therapy at the time of your appointment. I’m licensed or authorized to provide telehealth in Washington, Oregon, New York, Massachusetts, and Florida. All appointments take place online.
Still Have Questions about Couples Therapy for Infidelity?
Contact me using the button below. I’ll respond within 2 business days.