Couples Therapy for Mismatched Sexual Desire & Desire Discrepancy ● AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist ● Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Sex Therapy for Washington Couples with Sexual Desire Discrepancy
Online Sex Therapy for Couples Throughout Washington State
Sex Therapy for desire Differences in Your Relationship
You and your partner love each other. You enjoy spending time together, make decisions as a team, and have built a life you deeply value. But your sexual relationship has become a much smaller part of that life than either of you expected.
One of you wants sex more often, while the other rarely feels the same level of interest. You’ve talked about it, tried making changes, and occasionally experienced improvements. But nothing has lasted long enough for either of you to feel satisfied.
Over time, you’ve talked about sex less often. The partner who wants more sex has become reluctant to initiate, knowing how disappointing it feels when the interest isn’t mutual. The partner who wants less sex is tired of conversations that seem to end with another expectation to become more interested.
You still enjoy each other’s company. You laugh together, spend evenings talking, and look forward to time alone. But you miss having a sexual connection that brings excitement and pleasure into your relationship.
For the partner who wants more sex, the loss goes beyond frequency. You miss feeling sexually close to the person you love, sharing pleasure, and having an intimate part of your relationship that belongs to just the two of you. You’d like to feel hopeful about that part of your relationship again.
For the partner who wants less sex, the situation isn’t satisfying either. You may miss enjoying intimacy, wish you understood why your desire has changed, or feel frustrated that efforts to improve things haven’t worked. You want sex to be something you enjoy, too, rather than another source of disappointment for your partner.
Perhaps you’ve wondered whether this is simply what happens after years together. You’ve built a good relationship in many ways, but neither of you is ready to accept that your most satisfying sexual experiences are behind you. You recognize that the efforts you’ve made haven’t addressed whatever is contributing to your different levels of desire, and you’re willing to get professional help because you still want a sexual relationship that feels rewarding to both of you.
You want to understand why sexual intimacy has become so difficult, find out what could make it enjoyable again, and share a sexual relationship that adds pleasure and excitement to the life you’ve built together.
Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW | AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist & Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist
I’ve helped couples with sexual desire discrepancy for more than fifteen years.
I’ve been a therapist since 1988, and I’m both an AASECT-certified sex therapist and a Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist. I help couples throughout Washington understand why sexual intimacy has become less satisfying and find ways to enjoy that part of their relationship again.
During our sessions, I’ll assess how your sexual relationship has changed, when your desires began to differ, and how each of you experiences desire, arousal, and pleasure. I’ll also examine possible contributors such as medications, health changes, stress, sexual dissatisfaction, and relationship difficulties. My training helps me distinguish between concerns that need different kinds of treatment, rather than assuming that reduced sexual interest is simply an inevitable part of being together for many years.
I’ll examine what you’ve already tried and why those efforts haven’t helped as much as you hoped. If previous attempts focused on sexual frequency without addressing difficulties with pleasure or arousal, we’ll direct treatment toward those concerns. If unresolved relationship difficulties are contributing to your sexual disconnection, I’ll address those alongside the sexual concerns. I’ll use those findings to decide where to focus our sessions, which interventions are appropriate, and how to address concerns that earlier attempts overlooked.
For the partner who wants more sex, I’ll help you understand what’s contributing to your partner’s lower level of interest and address the distance that has developed between you. We’ll identify what sexual connection means to you and how to develop opportunities for intimacy that both partners genuinely welcome.
For the partner who wants less sex, I’ll help you understand what has changed about your interest in sexual intimacy and what would make those experiences more satisfying. Depending on what we discover, treatment may involve addressing difficulties with arousal or pleasure, concerns about physical comfort, or relationship issues that have affected your desire. I’ll also recommend appropriate medical care when health-related concerns require it.
When years of disappointment have made it difficult to discuss sex, I’ll draw on my Gottman Method training to address the unresolved concerns affecting your relationship. I’ll help you understand how those experiences affect your interactions, address disagreements that have remained unresolved, and make it easier to discuss sexual concerns without creating more hurt between you.
Throughout therapy, I’ll evaluate the changes you’re experiencing and adjust treatment based on what’s helping each of you. We’ll focus on improving sexual pleasure and connection in ways that reflect both partners’ needs, so you can continue developing a sexual relationship you both enjoy.
How your relationship changes after sex therapy with me
You can enjoy a sexual relationship that brings pleasure, excitement, and closeness to the life you’ve built together.
You Can Feel Excited About Being Sexual Together Again
You look forward to private time with your partner because you enjoy the sexual experiences you share.
There’s pleasure in anticipating intimacy, feeling sexually interested, and discovering that you still have opportunities to surprise and excite each other.
You enjoy having a part of your relationship devoted to sexual pleasure, with experiences that both of you genuinely want to repeat.
You Can Experience Genuine Sexual Interest From Each Other
You feel wanted by your partner and recognize their enjoyment when you’re intimate together.
The partner who wants more sex experiences meaningful expressions of sexual interest and enthusiasm. The partner who wants less sex discovers opportunities for intimacy that feel appealing and pleasurable to them, too.
Both of you can express sexual interest in ways that feel natural, without expecting desire to appear at the same time or in the same way for each partner.
You Can Feel Like Lovers Again
You enjoy a kind of intimacy with your partner that belongs to the two of you and feels different from the companionship you share in everyday life.
You have private moments when you feel especially close, enjoy each other’s bodies, and experience the pleasure of being sexual with someone who knows you so well.
You feel connected as sexual partners, with an intimate part of your relationship that brings you together in ways your friendship and shared responsibilities can’t.
You Can Keep Your Sexual Relationship Satisfying as Life Changes
You understand what makes sexual intimacy enjoyable for each of you and can recognize when something begins to affect your desire or satisfaction.
When health changes, stress, or other circumstances affect your sexual relationship, you can discuss what’s happening and identify adjustments that respect both partners’ needs.
You feel confident about continuing to develop your sexual relationship together, with the knowledge and experience to respond to new challenges rather than relying on the same approaches that haven’t helped before.
Read more about how I work with couples with desire discrepancy in sex therapy →
Who is a good fit for sex therapy for Couples with desire discrepancy?
Sex therapy for desire discrepancy works best when both partners attend sessions and both want a more satisfying sex life together.
You don’t have to agree on what caused the desire gap or feel equally motivated to close it. You only need to be willing to try.
I also work with couples where one or both partners are autistic and/or have ADHD, and LGBTQIA+ and polyamorous or open-relationship couples and individuals, since standard sex therapy frameworks were built on neurotypical, heterosexual, monogamous, cisgendered assumptions that don’t fit every relationship.
If there’s ongoing domestic violence in your relationship, sex therapy isn’t the right starting place; individual therapy is safer.
A certified sex therapist and couples therapist with more than 15 years treating differences in sexual desire
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a therapist since 1988, and for more than 15 years, I’ve helped couples whose differences in sexual desire have become a source of frustration, hurt, or uncertainty about their relationship.
As both an AASECT-certified sex therapist and a Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist, I bring two areas of specialized training to your treatment. I can assess how sexual desire, arousal, physical health, sexual satisfaction, and relationship difficulties influence one another, including concerns that aren’t immediately obvious to either partner.
Couples can spend years trying to improve their sexual relationship without understanding why their desires differ. I’ll help you identify what’s contributing to the problem and address those issues so you can build a sexual relationship that feels satisfying to both of you.
If the description on this page sounded like your relationship, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples across Washington State.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. Extended sessions (3+ hours) are available for couples who want to make faster progress.
I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
How to schedule your first sex therapy session
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar using the button below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you and your partner will receive new client forms via email, which you’ll both review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas Served in Washington
I’m independently licensed in Washington as a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW license #SWI.LW.60698797), and I offer online sex therapy for couples with differences in sexual desire through secure, HIPAA-compliant video across the state.
This includes:
Seattle and the greater Puget Sound area, including Bellevue, Kirkland, Redmond, Renton, Kent, Everett, Shoreline, Federal Way, Auburn, Bothell, Lynnwood, Marysville, Arlington, Edmonds, Sammamish, Issaquah, Burien, Mercer Island, Kenmore, Des Moines, Maple Valley, Covington, Mountlake Terrace, and SeaTac
The South Sound, including Tacoma, Olympia, Lacey, Puyallup, Lakewood, Tumwater, University Place, and Bonney Lake
Southwest Washington, including Vancouver, Camas, Battle Ground, and Longview
Eastern Washington, including Spokane, Spokane Valley, the Tri-Cities area (Kennewick, Richland, and Pasco), Yakima, Walla Walla, Wenatchee, Moses Lake, and Pullman
The Kitsap Peninsula and islands, including Bremerton, Bainbridge Island, and Oak Harbor
Whatcom and Skagit counties, including Bellingham and Mount Vernon
If you’re anywhere in Washington, I can work with you online.
Questions About Sex Therapy for Washington Couples with Desire Discrepancy
Frequently asked questions —
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Yes. My Washington LICSW license lets me work with couples while you’re physically in the state, so if one of you will be traveling out of state on the day of a session, we’ll need to reschedule for a time you’re both in Washington.
I am also licensed to practice in Oregon, New York, Massachusetts, and Florida.
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I practice remotely from Oregon and I’m fully licensed to see couples in Washington. All Washington sessions happen by secure video.
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In our first session, I ask you and your partner questions about the whole picture: health changes, medication, hormone shifts, pain during sex, sleep, and stress. I also ask each of you what the desire gap has been like from your side.
Still have Questions about sex therapy for desire discrepancy?
Please contact me using the button below. I will respond within 2 business days.