Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist · AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist · Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Couples Therapy After Infidelity in Westchester County, New York
Online couples therapy after affairs and infidelity for New York couples in White Plains and all of Westchester County
If you’re the partner who was betrayed…
Your partner had an affair during a period when they were spending a lot of time away from home. Maybe they were traveling for work, commuting long hours, or regularly staying late at the office. You knew they were busy, and you believed them when they explained why they couldn’t always be home.
Now you’re thinking about all those evenings when you ate dinner without them, went to bed before they got home, or took care of things around the house because they had another work commitment. You thought you were supporting your partner through a demanding time. Now those memories feel different. You remember how much you missed them and how often you put your own needs aside because you believed they had no choice but to be away. Finding out they were making time for someone else leaves you feeling like an afterthought, as though spending time with you was optional while being with the affair partner was something they made a point of doing.
You wonder how many of their explanations were true. Were they really working late? Did that business trip happen the way they described it? When they told you their phone was dying or they couldn’t talk, were they actually with the affair partner?
And it’s not only the lies that hurt. You think about the times you missed your partner, wanted to spend an evening together, or needed their help with something at home. They told you they didn’t have time, but somehow they found time for the affair.
Now your partner tells you the relationship with the other person is over. But their work schedule hasn’t changed. They still have meetings that run late, occasional trips, or days when they’re difficult to reach.
When they don’t answer a text right away, you find yourself checking the time and wondering where they really are. You may ask for details about their schedule that you never needed before. Sometimes you feel embarrassed by how anxious you’ve become, especially when you know they might genuinely be working.
You want to believe your partner again. But you’re afraid that the moment you stop asking questions or checking where they are, you’ll discover they’ve been lying to you all over again.
If you’re the unfaithful partner…
You ended the affair, and you want to repair your relationship. But your work still requires you to travel, stay late occasionally, or spend long hours away from home. You know these are ordinary parts of your job, but you also know that you used some of those same circumstances to hide the affair.
Now your partner asks questions about your schedule that they never used to ask. Where will you be staying? Who’s going to the meeting? Why did you get home later than expected? You answer, but you can hear the suspicion in their voice. You understand why they’re having trouble believing you, even when you’re telling the truth.
You’re frustrated that your work schedule has become a constant source of arguments. You’ve ended the affair, and you need to be able to do your job. When your partner questions another late meeting, you may feel as though nothing you say will ever be enough to convince them you’re telling the truth.
But there are questions you’re less prepared to answer. Your partner wants to know how you found time for the affair when you were always too busy to spend time together. They remind you of evenings they ate alone, plans they canceled, and responsibilities they handled because you said you had to work. You know those things happened, but you may not have thought about what it was like for your partner until they started describing it to you.
Sometimes your partner asks whether you ever thought about them while you were with the affair partner. You don’t know how to answer without making things worse. You may feel ashamed, become defensive, or insist that you still loved them, even though that doesn’t answer what they’re asking.
When an ordinary work delay becomes another argument, you feel yourself getting angry because you really are working this time. You want your partner to recognize that you’re trying to do the right thing now. But the more you defend yourself, the more suspicious and upset your partner becomes.
You want your partner to trust you again. You’re afraid that every business trip, late meeting, or unanswered message will remind them of the affair, and you don’t know how to rebuild that trust while continuing to meet the demands of your job.
Hope after infidelity
When your partner used work commitments to hide an affair, it’s difficult to know what to believe afterward. The same explanations you trusted before, like an unexpected meeting, a delayed train, or an overnight trip can now make you wonder whether you’re being lied to again.
For the betrayed partner, those absences can also bring back the hurt of feeling unimportant. You remember the evenings you spent alone and the plans you gave up because your partner said they had to work. Now, when another work commitment takes priority, you may feel as though you’re being asked to accept the same treatment all over again.
The partner who had the affair may see things differently. You’ve ended the affair, you’re telling the truth about your schedule, and you don’t understand what else you’re supposed to do. You may feel frustrated when your partner questions another legitimate work commitment, without fully recognizing why those situations are so painful for them.
In therapy, I’ll help you talk about what happened during the affair, including the time your partner spent away from home, the explanations they gave, and the responsibilities the betrayed partner took on while believing those explanations. I’ll help the partner who had the affair understand why this wasn’t only about being lied to, but also about feeling unimportant during a time when they were making sacrifices for the relationship.
We’ll also work on what rebuilding trust looks like when work travel and late meetings are still part of your lives. I’ll help you discuss what information the betrayed partner needs, how the unfaithful partner can communicate changes in plans, and what to do when a delayed response brings back fears about the affair. These agreements need to be realistic enough that you can both follow them consistently.
The goal isn’t for the betrayed partner to spend every day checking where their partner is, or for the unfaithful partner to feel that every minute away from home needs to be accounted for. It’s for the partner who had the affair to demonstrate honesty and reliability over time, while the betrayed partner gradually becomes more confident that work commitments are what their partner says they are.
How affair recovery works
How I help Westchester County couples repair their relationship after infidelity, betrayal, and affairs
When you come to couples therapy because of an affair, we won’t spend months discussing older relationship problems before addressing the betrayal. After our initial three-session assessment, we’ll begin working directly on the affair, the questions that still need answers, and the hurt it’s caused.
There’s a clinical reason for starting here, too. Even when you’re trying to talk about problems that existed before the affair, the betrayal can affect how you hear and respond to each other. We need to address what happened before we can work effectively on those older problems.
I’ll guide you through the recovery process in this order:
A three-session assessment
Repairing the betrayal and hurt caused by the affair
Repairing older hurts and vulnerabilities in the relationship
Giving your sexual relationship more focused attention after addressing the betrayal and older relationship hurts
Read more about the full process I take couples through after infidelity here →
How Couples therapy after infidelity can change your relationship
With Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW | Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist & AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist
Since the affair came out, you may have spent weeks arguing about late meetings, work trips, and unanswered messages. The betrayed partner wants to know whether they can believe explanations that were used to conceal the affair. The partner who had the affair feels frustrated that even when they’re telling the truth, their work schedule keeps causing arguments.
In therapy, I’ll help you address both the dishonesty and the hurt caused by the time your partner spent away from you. I’ll help the betrayed partner ask questions about what happened and explain why those absences still feel painful. I’ll also help the unfaithful partner answer honestly, understand the sacrifices their partner made, and demonstrate reliability without expecting immediate trust in return.
Here’s what can change in your relationship as we work together:
For the betrayed partner, you can get the answers you need to understand what happened and trust your own judgment again.
Since discovering the affair, you may have started questioning nearly everything your partner told you about their work schedule. You can remember specific trips, late meetings, or evenings when they were unreachable, but you don’t know which explanations were genuine and which were used to hide the affair.
In session, you can ask the questions you need answered. Which late meetings were real? Which trips involved the affair partner? When your partner said they couldn’t answer the phone, what was actually happening? I help your partner answer directly, including questions they’ve previously avoided out of fear or shame. When your partner becomes defensive, minimizes what happened, or tries to change the subject, I intervene and bring the conversation back to the question you asked.
As you get those answers, you can begin separating the times your partner was genuinely working from the times they were concealing the affair. You may discover that some of the explanations you believed were completely truthful, while others weren’t. Having that information can help you make sense of what happened instead of questioning every absence as though it must have been part of the affair.
You may find yourself questioning your judgment. You believed your partner was working hard and that the time apart was necessary. Now you wonder whether you should have noticed something was wrong. I’ll help you understand what was happening without treating your trust in your partner’s explanations as a mistake you should have avoided.
You may still need to ask certain questions more than once, especially when another late meeting or work trip reminds you of the affair. I help your partner understand why you need those answers rather than dismissing your questions or expecting you to move on. As your partner continues to answer honestly and follows through on the agreements you make together, you can begin to feel more confident that what they’re telling you is true.
If you’re the unfaithful partner, your hurt and dissatisfaction can be heard and taken seriously, too.
You may feel tremendous shame about your decision to have an affair while also feeling angry about how your partner treated you. And you may worry that whenever you describe something hurtful they did, the conversation will return to your infidelity, and your complaints will never receive serious attention.
In therapy, I’ll help you express how your partner’s behavior hurt you, including things you may have struggled to communicate before the affair. I’ll help you explain what happened and how it affected you without suggesting that your partner was responsible for your decision to be unfaithful.
This makes it easier for your partner to hear what you’re saying without feeling blamed for the affair. They can begin to understand the impact of their behavior, take responsibility where they’ve hurt you, and offer meaningful apologies, even when you remember parts of your relationship differently.
You can receive genuine understanding and apologies for the pain you experienced, even though you were the partner who had the affair. You’ll also learn how to express dissatisfaction and painful feelings directly, rather than withdrawing, avoiding difficult conversations, or keeping your unhappiness secret.
If you’re the unfaithful partner, you can learn to answer difficult questions without shutting down or becoming defensive.
When your partner asks a question about your schedule, you may respond by pointing out that you’ve already answered it, arguing that they’re being unreasonable, or asking how long they’re going to keep questioning you. Before long, you’re arguing about whether they should trust you instead of answering what they wanted to know.
In session, I’ll help you recognize when frustration is making it difficult to listen and show you how to respond differently. I guide you through answering your partner’s question directly, acknowledging why they need that information, and staying engaged in the conversation even when you feel defensive. We also talk about how your past explanations about work affect what your partner believes now, even when you’re telling the truth.
You’ll learn to respond to questions about your schedule without treating them as personal attacks, and to discuss changes in your plans without waiting for your partner to become suspicious. Rather than expecting your partner to trust you simply because the affair is over, you can demonstrate your commitment by answering honestly, listening without arguing, and taking responsibility for what happened.
You can talk about the affair, even when you’re both angry or hurt, without every conversation turning into a fight.
Your partner comes home later than expected. You ask why they didn’t let you know, and they insist they were working. You point out that they’ve used that explanation before, and they become defensive. Soon you’re arguing about whether they’re lying again, even though what you’re really afraid of is trusting them and finding out you’ve been deceived a second time.
In session, I help you recognize when a conversation is starting to escalate and show you how to stop an argument before it gets worse. I help the betrayed partner express the fear underneath the accusation and explain what they need from their partner when plans change. I also help the unfaithful partner hear that fear without immediately defending themselves. You learn to bring up concerns without criticism or accusations, listen without arguing back, and stay focused on the issue you’re trying to resolve.
When either of you becomes too overwhelmed to continue, I teach you how to take a break without leaving the other person feeling abandoned or dismissed. You agree on when to resume the conversation, and you follow through.
At home, this means you can bring up something painful, work through the disagreement, and return to your evening together instead of spending hours fighting or going to bed without speaking.
You can decide together when and how to resume sexual intimacy after the affair.
Some couples stop having sex after an affair, while others continue having sex but find that it feels different. You may still enjoy being physically close to your partner, only to find yourself wondering whether they genuinely want to be with you after spending so much time making themselves unavailable during the affair. Or you may want to have sex but feel nervous about what it will be like.
For the partner who had the affair, sex may bring up anxiety, too. You may worry that initiating sex will upset your partner or that they’ll question whether you genuinely desire them. Even if you’ve continued having sex, you may feel uncertain about whether your partner is enjoying it or doing it because they’re afraid of losing the relationship.
As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I’ll help you talk openly about those concerns without either partner feeling pressured to have sex. We’ll discuss what’s happening in your sexual relationship now, whether you’re continuing to have sex or have stopped, and what each of you needs to feel comfortable. I’ll help you talk openly about the fears or questions that come up during intimacy, rather than leaving either of you to guess what the other person is thinking.
You can learn to enjoy physical affection and sexual intimacy without feeling that every touch has to lead to sex or that saying no will automatically create distance between you. Whether you’re continuing to have sex or deciding when to resume it, you’ll have a clearer understanding of what each of you wants, what feels uncomfortable, and how to talk about those differences.
Who is a Good Fit for this Service?
I work with every form of infidelity: physical or emotional affairs, a secret online relationship or sexting, hidden pornography use or visits to strip clubs, secretly paying for sex, or a broken agreement in an open or non-monogamous relationship.
Therapy with me is for couples where both people want to repair the relationship.
If there is ongoing domestic violence in your relationship, couples therapy is not an appropriate service. Individual therapy is a safer starting place.
Infidelity therapist & certified Gottman method couples therapist
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a licensed therapist since 1988, and affair recovery has been a central part of my couples practice for more than two decades.
An affair is a crisis, and most couples who come to me have already spent months trying to resolve it on their own, leaving them feeling even more disconnected.
Infidelity creates a specific communication breakdown that good intentions can’t fix. The betrayed partner often needs to talk to process what happened; the unfaithful partner can shut down out of guilt, shame, or defensiveness.
Attempts to resolve the damage caused by the affair without outside intervention reinforce that breakdown rather than interrupt it. I provide a research-supported structure of repairing your relationship after infidelity.
If the description on this page sounds like your relationship, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online Couples Therapy sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples in White Plains, throughout Westchester County, and across all of New York.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. Extended sessions (3+ hours) are available for couples who want to make faster progress.
I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
How to get started in couples therapy
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar by clicking the button below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you and your partner will receive new client forms via email, which you’ll both review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas Served in Westchester County, New York
I’m licensed in New York as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW #086198), and I provide online couples therapy after infidelity throughout Westchester County, including White Plains.
I work with couples in White Plains, Scarsdale, Hartsdale, Harrison, Rye, Port Chester, Mamaroneck, Larchmont, New Rochelle, Pelham, Bronxville, Eastchester, Tuckahoe, Yonkers, Ardsley, Dobbs Ferry, Hastings-on-Hudson, Tarrytown, Sleepy Hollow, Ossining, Briarcliff Manor, Chappaqua, Mount Kisco, Bedford, Katonah, and surrounding communities.
I also work with couples throughout the broader Hudson Valley, including Dutchess, Ulster, Orange, and Putnam counties. Learn more about couples therapy after infidelity in the Hudson Valley.
All appointments take place by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. You and your partner can attend from the same location or join separately, as long as you’re both physically located in New York State during your session.
Common Questions about couples therapy after infidelity in White Plains & Westchester County —
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When work trips or late meetings were used to conceal an affair, even legitimate work commitments can become difficult to trust. You may worry that you’ll miss another warning sign if you stop asking questions.
In therapy, I’ll help you discuss which situations still make you anxious, what information you need from your partner, and how they can communicate changes in their schedule honestly and consistently.
We’ll work on agreements that fit your schedules and responsibilities, rather than requiring you to constantly check where your partner is. Over time, your partner’s follow-through can help you feel more confident that they’re being truthful.
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Hearing that explanation can be especially painful when you were already making sacrifices to accommodate your partner’s work schedule. You may feel as though you’re being blamed for a lack of time together that you didn’t choose.
In therapy, I’ll help you examine the problems and vulnerabilities that existed in your relationship before the affair, including how much time you spent together, whether either of you felt neglected, and how each of you contributed to those difficulties. We’ll discuss what needs to change going forward, while making an important distinction: both partners may have contributed to problems in the relationship, but the decision to have an affair belongs solely to the partner who had it.
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Yes. You and your partner can join the same secure video session from separate locations. For example, one of you might be at home in White Plains while the other joins from a private location elsewhere in Westchester County.
You’ll each need a reliable internet connection and a private space where you can speak without being overheard.
Both partners must be physically located in New York State during the session. If work travel takes one of you outside New York, we’ll need to schedule an appointment for when you’re both in the state.
Still Have Questions about Couples Therapy for Infidelity?
Contact me using the button below. I’ll respond within 2 business days.