Couples Therapy for Mismatched Sexual Desire & Desire Discrepancy ● AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist ● Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Sex Therapy for Oregon Couples with Mismatched Sexual Desire
Online Sex Therapy for Couples Throughout Oregon
Sex Therapy for desire Differences in Your Relationship
You and your partner have different levels of interest in sex, and lately, even ordinary physical affection has become difficult.
The partner who wants more sex misses being close. They initiate a kiss or move closer in bed, hoping for affection and perhaps something more. When their partner pulls away, they feel rejected. After enough disappointing encounters, they start hesitating to initiate physical contact at all.
The partner who wants less sex misses affection, too. But they’ve become cautious about accepting it because they’re worried it will lead to an expectation for sex. They don’t want to disappoint their partner, and they don’t want to agree to sexual contact they aren’t interested in.
You still enjoy spending time together, sharing responsibilities, and making plans for the future. But the physical closeness you once enjoyed has become increasingly rare.
You’ve tried talking about it. The partner who wants more sex explains how unwanted they feel. The partner who wants less says they feel pressured, even when that wasn’t the other’s intention. The conversation becomes another disagreement about whose needs aren’t being met, and neither of you leaves feeling understood.
You’ve also tried being more affectionate without expecting sex. Initially, you’re relieved to be touching each other again. But eventually, one partner begins hoping that increased affection means sex will become more frequent. The other notices the expectation and pulls away.
You miss being able to enjoy physical affection without second-guessing each other’s intentions. And you’re scared that if nothing changes, the distance between you will keep growing.
You want to enjoy physical affection again, understand what’s contributing to your difference in sexual desire, and build a sexual relationship that feels satisfying to both of you.
Read the full explanation of how sex therapy for desire discrepancy works →
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW | AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist & Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist
I’ve helped couples with sexual desire discrepancy for more than fifteen years.
I’ve been helping couples address differences in sexual desire for more than fifteen years. I work with couples throughout Oregon.
I’m both an AASECT-certified sex therapist and a Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist. My training in both specialties allows me to address the sexual difficulties you're experiencing alongside the relationship problems that are contributing to them.
During our sessions, I’ll assess what contributed to your difference in sexual desire and how your interactions have changed over time. We’ll look at your sexual experiences, physical health, stress, and any unresolved relationship difficulties. I’ll also pay attention to what happens between you when one partner initiates physical affection and the other hesitates or pulls away.
That assessment helps me determine what needs attention first. When physical affection has become associated with pressure or rejection, I’ll help you change how you approach touch and communicate your expectations. If sexual dissatisfaction, health concerns, or broader relationship difficulties are contributing, we’ll address those issues as well.
Here’s what you can expect from me as your sex therapist:
We’ll talk about sex directly. I’ll help both of you explain what you enjoy, what has become uncomfortable, and what you want to change about your sexual relationship.
We’ll establish clearer expectations around physical affection. I’ll guide you in making specific agreements about touch, including how to express interest, decline sexual contact, and respect each other’s boundaries without withdrawing from affection altogether.
We’ll address the disagreements that have made intimacy difficult. I’ll help you discuss rejection, pressure, and unmet needs without returning to criticism or defensiveness. We’ll practice these conversations during sessions so you know how to handle them differently at home.
We’ll evaluate what’s changing. Between appointments, you’ll practice the agreements and communication skills we develop. During our sessions, we’ll review what’s helping you feel more comfortable with physical intimacy, where difficulties remain, and what needs adjusting.
My goal is to help you enjoy physical closeness again and develop a sexual relationship that respects both partners’ desires, comfort, and needs.
How your relationship changes after sex therapy with me
When differences in sexual desire have affected your relationship for years, learning to be more affectionate isn’t enough. You want a sexual relationship that both of you enjoy, and you want to know whether you can build that together.
You Can Rebuild a Sexual Relationship You Both Want
Sex is no longer something one partner keeps asking for and the other agrees to out of guilt or obligation. You’re both interested in the intimacy you share, and neither of you feels responsible for managing the other person’s disappointment.
You understand what makes sex pleasurable for each of you, and you’re comfortable talking about what you want more of, what you want less of, and what hasn’t been working.
Instead of wondering whether you’ll ever have a satisfying sexual relationship again, you’re experiencing moments of genuine mutual interest and enjoying being sexual together.
You Can Understand Why Your Sexual Desires Have Become So Different
You finally have answers to questions you’ve been asking for years. You understand why sexual desire changed, which difficulties have kept the problem going, and what each of you can do differently.
The partner who wants more sex no longer has to assume the problem is a lack of attraction. The partner who wants less no longer has to wonder whether something is fundamentally wrong with them.
You’re no longer experimenting with advice that doesn’t fit your situation or arguing about which partner is responsible. You have a clearer understanding of the problem and a realistic direction for improving your sexual relationship.
You Can Talk About Sexual Rejection and Unmet Needs Without Another Fight
You can tell your partner that you miss having sex together, explain why sexual intimacy is important to you, and feel that they understand what you’re trying to say.
Your partner can tell you what makes sex enjoyable for them, what gets in the way of wanting it, and what they need from you to feel more interested in intimacy.
You can ask each other questions, talk openly about your sexual preferences, and make decisions about what you’d both like to try.
Even when you disagree, you can have a conversation that brings you closer and leaves you looking forward to spending time together.
You Can Build a Future Together That Includes Sexual Intimacy
You’re no longer privately calculating whether you can tolerate another ten or twenty years without a satisfying sexual relationship.
Instead, you have a shared understanding of what you want your sexual relationship to become and what each of you is willing to contribute.
Sexual intimacy is something you can discuss, enjoy, and continue developing together, rather than an unresolved source of resentment that threatens the future of your relationship.
Who is a good fit for sex therapy for Couples with desire discrepancy?
Sex therapy for desire discrepancy works best when both partners attend sessions and both want a more satisfying sex life together.
You don’t have to agree on what caused the desire gap or feel equally motivated to close it. You only need to be willing to try.
I also work with autistic couples, couples where one or both partners have ADHD, and LGBTQIA+ and polyamorous or open-relationship couples and individuals, since standard sex therapy frameworks were built on heterosexual, monogamous, cisgendered assumptions that don’t fit every relationship.
If there’s ongoing domestic violence in your relationship, sex therapy isn’t the right starting place; individual therapy is safer.
A certified sex therapist and couples therapist with more than 15 years treating differences in sexual desire
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a therapist since 1988, and for more than 15 years, I’ve helped couples whose differences in sexual desire have become a source of frustration, hurt, or uncertainty about their relationship.
As both an AASECT-certified sex therapist and a Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist, I bring two areas of specialized training to your treatment. I can assess how sexual desire, arousal, physical health, sexual satisfaction, and relationship difficulties influence one another, including concerns that aren’t immediately obvious to either partner.
Couples can spend years trying to improve their sexual relationship without understanding why their desires differ. I’ll help you identify what’s contributing to the problem and address those issues so you can build a sexual relationship that feels satisfying to both of you.
If the description on this page sounded like your relationship, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples in Oregon.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. Extended sessions (3+ hours) are available for couples who want to make faster progress.
I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
How to schedule your first session
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar using the button below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you and your partner will receive new client forms via email, which you’ll both review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas Served in Oregon
I’ve been independently licensed in Oregon as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW #L1201) since 1988. I offer sex therapy for couples with mismatched sexual desire through secure, HIPAA-compliant video throughout Oregon.
Areas I serve include:
Portland and the surrounding metro area: Hillsboro, Beaverton, Gresham, Tigard, Lake Oswego, Oregon City, Wilsonville, Tualatin, West Linn, Forest Grove, Happy Valley, Milwaukie, and Sherwood.
Columbia River Gorge: Hood River and The Dalles.
Central Oregon: Bend, Redmond, Sisters, and Prineville.
Willamette Valley: Eugene, Springfield, Salem, Keizer, Woodburn, McMinnville, Newberg, Corvallis, Albany, and Lebanon.
Southern Oregon: Medford, Ashland, Grants Pass, Roseburg, Central Point, and Klamath Falls.
Eastern Oregon: Pendleton, La Grande, Hermiston, Baker City, and Ontario.
Oregon Coast: Astoria, Seaside, Tillamook, Lincoln City, Newport, Florence, Coos Bay, North Bend, and Brookings.
If you’re anywhere in Oregon, I can work with you online.
Questions About Sex Therapy for Oregon Couples with Desire Discrepancy
Frequently asked questions —
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Yes. I provide sex therapy through secure, HIPAA-compliant video, and both partners need to be physically located in Oregon or another state where I’m licensed or registered to provide therapy during our appointments.
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It's common for one partner to be more interested in starting therapy than the other. You don't need to agree about what's causing your difference in desire or have the same expectations about treatment.
What I do need is a willingness from both of you to participate. I'll take each partner's concerns seriously, including reservations about therapy itself, and assess what you each want to change about your sexual relationship.
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Yes. You and your partner can join the same video appointment from different private locations, provided you're both physically located in states where I'm authorized to provide therapy.
You’ll each need a reliable internet connection and a space where you have privacy. When possible, attending together from the same location is helpful, but it isn't a requirement for every appointment.
Still have Questions about sex therapy for desire discrepancy?
Please contact me using the button below. I will respond within 2 business days.