Couples Therapy for Mismatched Sexual Desire & Desire Discrepancy ● AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist ● Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Sex Therapy for New York City Couples with Sexual Desire Discrepancy
Online sex therapy for New York City couples in all five boroughs and across New York State
Mismatched sexual desire: Sex therapy for New York City couples
In your relationship, one of you wants sex more often than the other does, and evenings at home have become tense because of the difference. Lately, it’s become easier for one or both of you to start working late at the office in Midtown to avoid the tension and awkwardness at home.
Maybe the partner who wants more sex stays at the office until 9 p.m. most nights. By the time the partner who wants more sex gets home, the other partner is asleep. Neither of you has to ask for sex, and neither of you has to say no.
Or maybe the partner who wants less sex answers emails in bed until the other partner falls asleep. Answering emails feels easier than another frustrating talk about why not tonight.
Some of the late nights are for a real deadline. On the other late nights, staying at the office means the two of you don’t go to bed at the same time, and bedtime is when the question of sex usually comes up.
Weekends fill up, too, with errands, workouts, dinners with friends, and the laptop on Sunday night. The two of you can go weeks without a free evening alone at home.
From the outside, your relationship looks fine. You split the bills, plan the trips, and keep the shared calendar. But the two of you haven’t had sex in months, and the long workdays mean neither of you has to talk about why.
Desire discrepancy is the clinical name for an ongoing difference in how much sex two partners want.
Working late doesn’t cause a difference in sexual desire, but it can give both of you a way to avoid the uncomfortable conversations you’ve had about sex. Meanwhile, the concerns between you remain unresolved. The partner who wants more sex feels increasingly rejected, while the partner who wants less sex feels more pressure when you finally have time alone together.
Differences in sexual desire can have several causes, including stress, changes in arousal or sexual enjoyment, physical health, medications, and difficulties within the relationship. Long workdays can leave little time or energy for intimacy, but they don't necessarily explain why two partners want sex at different frequencies. I’ll help you understand which factors are affecting your relationship so we can address them in treatment.
Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW | AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist & Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist
For more than fifteen years, I’ve helped couples understand what’s contributing to their differences in sexual desire and develop a more satisfying sexual relationship.
I’ve been a therapist since 1988. For more than fifteen years, I’ve focused on sex therapy for couples.
I work with New York City couples who have been avoiding difficult conversations about sex.
I’m an AASECT-certified sex therapist and a certified Gottman Method couples therapist. I also train other therapists: I’m an AASECT Approved Supervisor and a Gottman Method trainer. This means I can help with your sexual desire discrepancy and your relationship at the same time.
With both certifications, I can help with your sex life and your relationship at the same time.
I work with both partners because I need to understand each of your experiences of desire, attraction, and sexual satisfaction. I’ll assess the sexual and relationship concerns contributing to your difficulties and help you address how those difficulties are affecting the two of you. When individual medical or psychological concerns need additional attention, I’ll recommend appropriate care alongside our sessions.
Here’s what you can expect from me as your sex therapist:
We talk about sex directly, in plain words, and sex stays at the center of our sessions.
I’ll assess what’s contributing to your differences in sexual desire before recommending treatment. Depending on what we discover, we may address difficulties with arousal or sexual enjoyment, concerns within your relationship, or the effects of stress and physical health. Structured touch exercises are one option when they fit your needs, and we’ll choose interventions that respect both partners’ comfort and sexual interests.
I take both of your experiences seriously, whether you’re the partner who wants more sex or the partner who wants less. The partner who wants more sex won’t be told that wanting sex is the problem, and the partner who wants less sex won’t be asked to say yes when they don’t want to. Together, we work toward sex you both look forward to.
We meet by secure video from wherever you’re located in New York City.
How your relationship changes after sex therapy with me
When the two of you spend less time together and avoid discussing sex, the hurt and uncertainty around your differences in desire can grow. Neither of you gets much opportunity to understand what the other is experiencing or what needs to change.
During our sessions, I’ll assess what’s contributing to your differences in desire, including how work demands, sexual satisfaction, arousal, physical health, and relationship concerns affect each of you. I’ll use those findings to recommend treatment suited to your relationship. We’ll review what’s helping between appointments and adjust our approach based on both partners’ experiences.
For the partner who wants more sex, you can enjoy evenings together that include sexual intimacy both of you genuinely want. You have a clearer understanding of what affects your partner’s interest, and you can express your own sexual needs without spending another evening avoiding each other.
For the partner who wants less sex, you can enjoy time alone with your partner without feeling responsible for producing sexual desire on demand. You understand more about what affects your interest and enjoyment, and you can participate in intimacy that feels pleasurable and welcome to you.
You can enjoy affection and sexual intimacy that both of you feel comfortable choosing. Depending on what you discover through therapy, that may include finding new ways to enjoy physical touch, improving sexual satisfaction, or addressing concerns that have made intimacy difficult.
When sex does come up, the two of you can talk about sex without the conversation turning into the same fight. The repair skills I teach come from my Gottman Method training and from research on real couples.
Friday night at home becomes something you both look forward to. You enjoy having time together without work taking over the evening, including opportunities for sexual intimacy that feel pleasurable and genuinely wanted by both partners.
You feel wanted again, by the person you already chose. And the two of you decide the future of your relationship together, before one of you loses patience and decides alone.
Some New York City couples start with a 3-hour or 6-hour intensive, and then they continue with regular sessions. If you haven’t had a good talk about sex in months or years, a long first session helps you get started again. You’ll have time to discuss your sexual concerns in detail, and I’ll begin assessing what’s contributing to your differences in desire so we can determine the most appropriate next steps.
Who is a good fit for sex therapy for Couples with desire discrepancy?
Sex therapy for desire discrepancy works best when both partners attend sessions and both want sex together to be more satisfying.
You don’t have to agree on what caused the desire discrepancy, or feel equally ready to work on it. Many couples start with one partner more doubtful than the other. You only need to be willing to try sex therapy together.
I also work with LGBTQIA+ couples, couples in open or polyamorous relationships, and couples where one or both partners are autistic or have ADHD.
If there’s ongoing domestic violence in your relationship, sex therapy isn’t the right place to start. Individual therapy is safer.
A certified sex therapist and couples therapist with more than 15 years treating differences in sexual desire
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a therapist since 1988, and for more than 15 years, I’ve helped couples whose differences in sexual desire have become a source of frustration, hurt, or uncertainty about their relationship.
As both an AASECT-certified sex therapist and a Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist, I bring two areas of specialized training to your treatment. I can assess how sexual desire, arousal, physical health, sexual satisfaction, and relationship difficulties influence one another, including concerns that aren’t immediately obvious to either partner.
Couples can spend years trying to improve their sexual relationship without understanding why their desires differ. I’ll help you identify what’s contributing to the problem and address those issues so you can build a sexual relationship that feels satisfying to both of you.
If the description on this page sounded like your relationship, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online Sex Therapy sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples in New York City and across New York State.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. Extended sessions (3+ hours) are available for couples who want to make faster progress.
I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar using the button below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you and your partner will receive new client forms via email, which you’ll both review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas Served in New York City
I’m licensed in New York as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW #086198), and I work with couples by secure, HIPAA-compliant video in all five boroughs.
This includes:
Manhattan, including the Upper East Side, the Upper West Side, Midtown, Chelsea, Greenwich Village, the West Village, Tribeca, the Financial District, Harlem, and Washington Heights
Brooklyn, including Park Slope, Brooklyn Heights, Williamsburg, Carroll Gardens, Fort Greene, and Prospect Heights
Queens, including Astoria, Long Island City, Forest Hills, Sunnyside, Jackson Heights, and Flushing
The Bronx, including Riverdale, Pelham Bay, and Throgs Neck
Staten Island, including St. George, Great Kills, and Tottenville
If you’re anywhere in New York City, I can work with you.
Questions about sex therapy for NYC couples with desire discrepancy —
-
I see clients Monday through Wednesday, between 11am and 5pm Eastern time. If weekly daytime sessions are hard to fit around your jobs, we can talk about working intensively instead. I offer 3-hour or 6-hour intensives. Please contact me to inquire about my availability for intensive sex therapy.
-
I’m not in-network with any insurance company, and I don’t provide superbills for couples sessions. However, you can pay with an HSA or FSA card.
-
You’ll both need a private room where other people can’t overhear our conversation. Roommates, children, and thin walls can make privacy hard in a New York City apartment, so a closed bedroom door and a white-noise machine in the hallway can help.
Still have Questions about sex therapy for desire discrepancy?
Please contact me using the button below. I will respond within 2 business days.