AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist · Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist · Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Individual Therapy for Sex and Porn Addiction in Portland, Oregon
Online Sex Therapy for Oregon Adults With Out-Of-Control Sexual Behavior in the Portland Metro Area
Specialized Sex Therapy in Portland, Oregon
You enjoy watching porn and exploring your sexuality privately. You like having time when you can follow whatever interests you, without having to consider anyone else’s preferences or expectations.
But lately, you’ve noticed how often you’re choosing porn or other sexual experiences over spending time with your partner.
Maybe you look forward to an evening alone when you can watch porn, visit adult websites, or explore sexual interests you haven’t shared with anyone. You tell yourself you’ll spend half an hour, but you become absorbed in what you’re watching, and suddenly most of the evening is gone.
Maybe you also enjoy going to strip clubs, where the dancers, atmosphere, and personal attention offer an excitement that’s different from watching porn at home. You tell yourself you’re only going for an hour, but end up staying much longer or spending more money than you intended. Sometimes that means another evening away from your partner, even though you’d planned to spend time together.
You genuinely enjoy these experiences. They give you pleasure, excitement, and a sense of freedom that you don’t want to lose. You also love your partner and enjoy being close to them.
That’s what makes the situation confusing. You’re not choosing porn or strip clubs because you’ve stopped wanting your partner. But you’ve begun noticing how often you look forward to those experiences more than the time you’ve planned together.
You’ve tried setting limits. You decide to spend less time watching porn, keep certain evenings free, or make more of an effort to initiate sex and affection. You mean to follow through, but when you have time to yourself, the opportunity to enjoy something sexually exciting is difficult to pass up.
Then your partner tells you how lonely they’ve been feeling.
They’ve noticed how often you disappear into your phone or spend evenings doing something else when the two of you could be together. They miss spending time with you without having to ask for your attention.
You want to reassure them that they’re important to you, because they are. You love your partner, you’re attracted to them, and you want to be close to them. But you can understand why they’re questioning that when your behavior keeps telling them something different.
And now you’re noticing that they’ve stopped asking as often.
They don’t suggest spending an evening together the way they used to. Maybe they’ve stopped initiating sex or seem less interested when you try. You’re scared they’re getting used to a relationship where they can’t count on having much of your attention.
You don’t want that to happen. At the same time, the idea of giving up your private sexual experiences feels like losing something important to you, and you resent feeling as though you have to choose.
You’ve already promised to make more time for your relationship. What troubles you is that you keep meaning to do it and then making another choice when the opportunity arises.
You want to enjoy your sexuality without allowing your relationship to become increasingly distant. You want to make room for private sexual pleasure while being someone your partner can count on for affection, attention, and time together.
what we’ll do together
How I Help When Sexual Behavior Is Interfering With Your Relationship
I’ve been a therapist since 1988, and I’m both an AASECT-certified sex therapist and a Certified Gottman Method couples therapist. My training helps me distinguish between sexual desire differences, difficulties with intimacy, and sexual behavior that’s become difficult to control, so we can address what’s contributing to the problems in your relationship.
I’ll help you understand what you enjoy about your private sexual experiences and what makes them appealing at particular times. Maybe watching porn gives you an opportunity to explore sexual interests without considering anyone else’s preferences. Maybe a strip club offers excitement and personal attention that you look forward to. We’ll examine those experiences without assuming that enjoying them means you’re dissatisfied with your partner.
We’ll also look at what happens when you choose those experiences over time together. If you’ve agreed to spend an evening with your partner but find yourself wanting to watch porn instead, I’ll help you understand what makes that choice appealing and how you justify changing your plans. Those details help us identify where you can make a different decision before another evening passes.
From there, I’ll help you develop boundaries around your sexual activities that reflect what you want for both your sexuality and your relationship. We’ll consider which experiences you want to continue, what limits you’re prepared to maintain, and what needs to change so your private sexual interests aren’t repeatedly taking priority over commitments you’ve made.
My couples therapy experience also informs how I help you respond to your partner’s hurt and betrayal. We can talk about how to listen when your partner describes feeling unwanted and rejected, and how to discuss your sexual interests without dismissing their concerns or agreeing to restrictions you don’t intend to keep.
When you try making changes between sessions, we’ll look at what happens. If you continue watching porn longer than intended or choose another sexual experience over plans with your partner, I’ll help you identify where things went differently from what you decided and adjust our approach.
My job is to help you find ways to enjoy your sexuality and give your relationship the attention you genuinely want to give it, with decisions you can follow through on rather than promises that leave both of you disappointed.
Learn more about my approach to sex therapy for out-of-control sexual behavior →
What I Can Help You with in Sex Therapy
1. You can begin trusting yourself to follow through on decisions about sex and pornography.
In sex therapy, we’ll look at why previous attempts to change your sexual behavior haven’t lasted and identify opportunities to make different choices before changing course becomes especially difficult.
Together, we’ll develop a plan for those moments and examine what happens when you put it into practice, including what needs to change when something doesn’t go as expected.
You can begin building confidence in your ability to keep the commitments you make to yourself. Being home alone, having an unexpected free evening, or experiencing a strong sexual urge doesn’t have to mean repeating a behavior you’ve decided to stop. You can begin collecting evidence from your own experience that you’re capable of making different choices.
2. You can get your time and attention back instead of organizing your life around sexual behavior.
In sex therapy, we’ll examine how much time and attention sexual behavior has been taking from other parts of your life. That includes time spent anticipating the next opportunity, arranging your schedule, concealing what happened, or worrying about being discovered.
I’ll help you understand why certain situations make sexual thoughts particularly difficult to set aside. We’ll work on recognizing when you’re beginning to organize your time around the behavior and identifying what would help you make a different decision.
You can spend an evening alone doing what you intended, concentrate on work without repeatedly checking a site or app, and enjoy time with people you care about without thinking about when you’ll next have an opportunity for sexual activity. You can regain time and mental energy for the parts of your life you’ve been neglecting.
3. You can understand what you’re seeking from sexual behavior and find other ways to meet those needs.
In therapy, we’ll explore what you’re getting from sexual behavior that you haven’t been able to find elsewhere. It might be relief from stress, excitement, feeling wanted, or something you haven’t recognized yet.
I’ll help you understand what you’re feeling and wanting in those situations, including needs you’ve struggled to express or satisfy in other parts of your life. We’ll explore how you can meet those needs more directly, without repeatedly engaging in sexual behavior that conflicts with your intentions or creates unwanted consequences.
You can begin responding to loneliness, stress, rejection, boredom, or a desire for excitement in ways that genuinely address what you’re missing. You can have more choices about how to spend your time and meet your needs, rather than repeatedly turning to sexual activity and regretting it afterward.
4. You can stop organizing your life around secrets and begin earning back your partner’s trust.
If your sexual behavior has involved dishonesty or broken agreements, I’ll help you understand what taking responsibility requires. We’ll examine what makes honesty difficult, including fear of your partner’s reaction, shame about your choices, or the temptation to minimize what happened.
I’ll help you prepare for difficult conversations and learn how to answer questions truthfully, acknowledge the harm you’ve caused, and avoid making promises you aren’t prepared to keep. We’ll also discuss what consistent behavior and accountability can look like over time, recognizing that your partner may need considerable time before they feel comfortable trusting you again.
You can stop deleting conversations, concealing charges, inventing explanations, or worrying about what might happen if your partner picks up your phone. Instead, you can begin living more honestly and giving your partner reasons to believe what you say. You can feel better about how you’re treating the people who matter to you, even while rebuilding trust remains difficult.
5. You can enjoy your sexuality without feeling ashamed of your desires or afraid of losing control.
As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I’ll help you examine your sexual desires and preferences without assuming that frequent sex, pornography, masturbation, or consensual sexual interests are inherently unhealthy.
We’ll distinguish between sexual desires you enjoy, behaviors you’ve decided you want to change, and feelings of shame or discomfort that may come from judgments you’ve learned about sexuality. We’ll also explore how to pursue sexual pleasure in ways that respect your values, your boundaries, and any agreements you’ve made with a partner.
If you’re partnered, we can address difficulties discussing sex, differences in desire, and concerns about intimacy. When appropriate and with your agreement, your partner may participate in some sessions.
You can feel more comfortable with your sexuality while becoming more confident in your ability to make deliberate choices. You can enjoy sexual pleasure without treating every desire as a problem, and make decisions about your behavior without repeatedly violating your own boundaries or relationship agreements.
What to Expect in Sex Therapy for Porn and Sex Addiction
Understand Your Sexual Behavior So You Can Change It
In our first sessions, I’ll ask about your sexual history, the behaviors you’re concerned about, and how they’ve affected your life. We’ll discuss what you’ve already tried to change, what happened when you tried, and what you want to be different.
I’ll also want to understand what makes the behavior so compelling for you. Maybe you’ve noticed that certain feelings or situations make it harder to resist a certain behavior. Or perhaps you keep making the same decisions even when you know exactly what the consequences could be.
I’ll help you examine what happens before, during, and after those experiences, including the choices you make long before you engage in the behavior. We’ll also explore your sexual desires, relationships, and experiences with sex to understand what may be contributing to the difficulty you’ve had changing.
My experience as an AASECT-certified sex therapist helps me recognize when sexual habits, emotional difficulties, relationship concerns, or conflicts about sexuality need different kinds of attention. That means our work can focus on what’s relevant to your situation rather than relying on the same advice you’ve already tried.
Make Changes That Work for You
Once we understand more about what’s happening, I’ll help you address the difficulties that have made changing your behavior so challenging.
That might involve working through shame that makes you reluctant to be honest, learning how to handle strong feelings without immediately turning to sexual activity, or addressing sexual dissatisfaction and relationship difficulties you’ve been avoiding.
We’ll also identify opportunities to make different decisions before you reach the point where you typically return to the behavior. I’ll work with you on how to respond in those situations, and we’ll discuss what happens when you try those changes outside our sessions.
When something doesn’t go as planned, we’ll examine why. Rather than simply asking you to try harder, I’ll help you understand what happened and what needs to change in our approach.
Sex Therapy for LGBTQIA+ Adults and People in Open Relationships
I have extensive experience working with LGBTQIA+ clients and people in open, polyamorous, and other consensually non-monogamous relationships.
I don’t assume that having multiple sexual partners, enjoying casual sex, using hookup apps, or having unconventional sexual interests means your sexual behavior is unhealthy.
What I want to understand is whether you’re able to make decisions about your sexual activity that are consistent with your intentions, your values, and the agreements you’ve made with partners.
If you’ve broken relationship agreements, we can address that honestly without treating your relationship structure or sexual identity as the problem.
Sex Therapy for Neurodivergent Adults
I’m an autistic therapist who also trains other mental health professionals in working with neurodivergent clients. My teaching includes autism and sexuality, ADHD and executive functioning, sexual and gender diversity, and adapting therapy to neurodivergent people’s needs.
If you’re autistic or have ADHD, I’ll consider how your attention, impulsivity, need for stimulation, routines, sensory experiences, and communication style may affect the sexual behavior you’re trying to change.
I’ll use my experience to develop approaches that fit how you think, communicate, and make decisions. These differences can be important when we’re figuring out why previous attempts haven’t worked and what approaches are likely to be useful for you.
Who is A good fit for Sex and Porn Addiction Therapy?
I work with adults whose pornography use or consensual sexual behavior has become difficult to control and is causing problems in their lives. This can include people who are facing legal consequences related to their sexual behavior, such as an arrest for purchasing sex.
You may be a good fit for therapy with me if:
You’ve tried to stop watching porn, using hookup apps, paying for sex, or engaging in other sexual behaviors, but you keep returning to them.
You’re spending more time or money on sexual activity than you intended, and it’s beginning to interfere with your work, relationships, or other responsibilities.
Your partner has discovered sexual behavior you’ve been hiding, and you’re scared your relationship may not survive another broken promise.
You haven’t been caught, but you’re increasingly worried about what could happen if you continue.
You’re doing things you once told yourself you’d never do, and you’re concerned about where your behavior could lead.
Situations Outside My Clinical Practice
→ I don’t provide specialized treatment for sexual offenses, including sexual assault, rape, voyeurism, child sexual abuse, or offenses involving child sexual abuse material (CSAM). This includes situations where someone hasn’t been arrested or charged.
→ I also don’t provide forensic psychosexual evaluations or prepare reports for legal proceedings.
AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist for Problematic Sexual Behavior
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a licensed therapist since 1988, and I’ve worked with individuals and couples dealing with out-of-control sexual behavior for decades.
Over the years, I’ve worked with people whose sexual behavior has put their relationships, careers, finances, or personal lives at risk. Many have tried repeatedly to stop on their own, sometimes keeping their behavior secret for years before deciding to get help.
As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I bring specialized training in human sexuality to understanding why changing sexual behavior can be so difficult. I’m interested in what makes certain experiences compelling, what keeps someone returning to them, and what needs to change for them to make different decisions.
I help clients understand why they keep returning to sexual behavior they want to change, address what has made previous attempts unsuccessful, and make decisions they can follow through on.
If the description on this page sounded like your situation, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online therapy sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with adult clients in the Portland metro area and across Oregon.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
How to get started in sex and porn addiction therapy
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar by clicking the button directly below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you’ll receive new client forms via email, which you’ll review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas Served Throughout Portland, Oregon
I’ve been independently licensed in Oregon (LCSW license #L1201) since 1988. I provide individual sex and porn addiction therapy through secure, HIPAA-compliant video to adults throughout Portland and the surrounding communities.
This includes:
Portland neighborhoods, including the Pearl District, Northwest District, Downtown, Goose Hollow, the West Hills, Sellwood-Moreland, Laurelhurst, Richmond, Sunnyside, Montavilla, St. Johns, and Alberta Arts District
Washington County, including Beaverton, Hillsboro, Tigard, Tualatin, Sherwood, Forest Grove, Cedar Mill, and Bethany
Yamhill County, including Newberg, McMinnville, Dundee, Carlton, and Yamhill
Clackamas County, including Lake Oswego, West Linn, Oregon City, Milwaukie, Happy Valley, Wilsonville, and Canby
East Multnomah County, including Gresham, Troutdale, Fairview, and Wood Village
All sessions take place online, so you can attend from home or another private location while physically in Oregon.
Common Questions about therapy for out-of-control sexual behavior in Portland, Oregon —
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We can work on that. You don’t have to believe pornography is inherently unhealthy or decide that you’ll never watch it again before beginning therapy.
I’ll want to understand what you enjoy about pornography, how it fits into your sexual life, and why your attempts to change when or how often you use it haven’t lasted.
We can also address sexual difficulties or differences in desire within your relationship. The goal is to help you make choices about pornography and other sexual experiences that are consistent with what you want for yourself and your relationship.
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Yes. We can address your sexual behavior and your responses to your partner’s concerns, even if your partner isn’t participating in therapy.
I’ll help you consider how your decisions have affected your partner, including situations involving dishonesty or broken agreements. We can also discuss difficulties talking about sex, differences in desire, and what you want to change in your relationship.
Because I’m both a sex therapist and a certified Gottman Method couples therapist, I can help you consider these relationship concerns alongside your individual treatment goals.
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I provide individual sex therapy exclusively through secure, HIPAA-compliant video.
I’m independently licensed in Oregon and work with adults throughout Portland, Beaverton, Lake Oswego, Hillsboro, Gresham, and surrounding communities.
You can attend from any private location while physically in Oregon or another state where I’m authorized to practice.
Still Have Questions about therapy for sex and porn addiction?
Use the button below to send me a message. I will respond within 2 business days.