AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist · Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist · Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Individual Therapy for Sex and Porn Addiction in the Hudson Valley, New York
Online Sex Therapy for New York Adults in Rockland County, Dutchess County, and across the Hudson Valley
Specialized Sex Therapy in the Hudson Valley
Your partner discovered that you’ve been meeting other people for sex, and now some of your friends and family know about it, too.
You enjoyed the anticipation of meeting someone new, the sexual excitement, and the freedom of having experiences outside your everyday responsibilities. You told yourself that as long as you were discreet, you could keep those experiences separate from the rest of your life.
There were times when you decided to stop. You thought about what would happen if your partner discovered the encounters or someone you knew saw you with another person. Sometimes you went months without arranging another meeting. Then you started missing the excitement, and you convinced yourself you could take another chance.
Now your partner is considering ending the relationship and has told you to get individual therapy. They want you to understand why you kept doing this and whether you can change. You want answers to those questions, too.
You’re ashamed of what you did and how much you’ve hurt your partner. But you’re also struggling with the fact that people you’ve known for years now know things about your sexual life that you never imagined having to explain.
Your partner confided in close friends or family members because they needed support. You understand why they did, but you still dread seeing those people. You wonder what they’ve been told, what they think of you, and whether they’ve shared the information with anyone else.
You’ve started avoiding social gatherings and community activities you used to enjoy. Even when no one mentions what happened, you wonder whether they know. It’s uncomfortable to realize that you can’t control what other people have heard or how they see you.
And if you’re honest, you feel resentful that other people know. You wish your partner had kept the discovery private, even though you recognize it would be unfair to expect them to deal with what happened without support. You’re struggling to accept that you no longer get to decide who knows about the details of your sexuality and private life.
But underneath the embarrassment and resentment is something harder to face: you’re not entirely sure the consequences will be enough to keep you from doing it again.
You haven’t arranged another sexual encounter since the discovery, but you haven’t stopped wanting to. You still remember the excitement, and part of you misses having those experiences to look forward to.
That scares you. You’ve already hurt someone you love and damaged relationships with people you care about. The possibility that you could rebuild some of what you’ve lost, only to make the same decisions again, is becoming difficult to live with.
You want to understand why you kept pursuing sexual encounters despite knowing what was at stake, and how to make long-term changes that you can trust yourself to maintain.
what we’ll do together
How I Help You Understand and Change Sexual Behavior
I’ve been a therapist since 1988, and I’m an AASECT-certified sex therapist. I’ll help you understand why you’ve kept returning to sexual encounters outside your relationship and what it will take to make lasting changes, without treating your sexual desires as something shameful.
We’ll talk about what you enjoyed about these encounters. Was it the excitement of someone new, the pleasure of feeling desired, or the freedom of having sex without the responsibilities of an ongoing relationship? Understanding what keeps drawing you back is important because the approach that helps you make lasting changes will depend on what you’re getting from these experiences. Someone who craves the excitement of a new sexual partner may need different help than someone who depends on sexual attention to feel good about themselves.
I’ll help you look at what happens long before you arrange another sexual encounter. We’ll figure out where those decisions start and work on what you can do differently before you’ve talked yourself into another meeting. If you find yourself wanting to look at profiles or contact someone, we’ll develop specific ways to handle that moment without making a decision you’ll regret.
Between sessions, you’ll have opportunities to put what we’ve discussed into practice. We’ll talk about what worked, what was difficult, and what happened when you were tempted to make an exception. If something helps for a few weeks but then stops being effective, we’ll figure out why and try something different.
Learn more about my approach to sex therapy for out-of-control sexual behavior →
What I Can Help You Address in Sex Therapy
1. You can begin trusting yourself to follow through on decisions about sex and pornography.
In sex therapy, we’ll look at why previous attempts to change your sexual behavior haven’t lasted and identify opportunities to make different choices before changing course becomes especially difficult.
Together, we’ll develop a plan for those moments and examine what happens when you put it into practice, including what needs to change when something doesn’t go as expected.
You can begin building confidence in your ability to keep the commitments you make to yourself. Being home alone, having an unexpected free evening, or experiencing a strong sexual urge doesn’t have to mean repeating a behavior you’ve decided to stop. You can begin collecting evidence from your own experience that you’re capable of making different choices.
2. You can get your time and attention back instead of organizing your life around sexual behavior.
In sex therapy, we’ll examine how much time and attention sexual behavior has been taking from other parts of your life. That includes time spent anticipating the next opportunity, arranging your schedule, concealing what happened, or worrying about being discovered.
I’ll help you understand why certain situations make sexual thoughts particularly difficult to set aside. We’ll work on recognizing when you’re beginning to organize your time around the behavior and identifying what would help you make a different decision.
You can spend an evening alone doing what you intended, concentrate on work without repeatedly checking a site or app, and enjoy time with people you care about without thinking about when you’ll next have an opportunity for sexual activity. You can regain time and mental energy for the parts of your life you’ve been neglecting.
3. You can understand what you’re seeking from sexual behavior and find other ways to meet those needs.
In therapy, we’ll explore what you’re getting from sexual behavior that you haven’t been able to find elsewhere. It might be relief from stress, excitement, feeling wanted, or something you haven’t recognized yet.
I’ll help you understand what you’re feeling and wanting in those situations, including needs you’ve struggled to express or satisfy in other parts of your life. We’ll explore how you can meet those needs more directly, without repeatedly engaging in sexual behavior that conflicts with your intentions or creates unwanted consequences.
You can begin responding to loneliness, stress, rejection, boredom, or a desire for excitement in ways that genuinely address what you’re missing. You can have more choices about how to spend your time and meet your needs, rather than repeatedly turning to sexual activity and regretting it afterward.
4. You can stop organizing your life around secrets and begin earning back your partner’s trust.
If your sexual behavior has involved dishonesty or broken agreements, I’ll help you understand what taking responsibility requires. We’ll examine what makes honesty difficult, including fear of your partner’s reaction, shame about your choices, or the temptation to minimize what happened.
I’ll help you prepare for difficult conversations and learn how to answer questions truthfully, acknowledge the harm you’ve caused, and avoid making promises you aren’t prepared to keep. We’ll also discuss what consistent behavior and accountability can look like over time, recognizing that your partner may need considerable time before they feel comfortable trusting you again.
You can stop deleting conversations, concealing charges, inventing explanations, or worrying about what might happen if your partner picks up your phone. Instead, you can begin living more honestly and giving your partner reasons to believe what you say. You can feel better about how you’re treating the people who matter to you, even while rebuilding trust remains difficult.
5. You can enjoy your sexuality without feeling ashamed of your desires or afraid of losing control.
As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I’ll help you examine your sexual desires and preferences without assuming that frequent sex, pornography, masturbation, or consensual sexual interests are inherently unhealthy.
We’ll distinguish between sexual desires you enjoy, behaviors you’ve decided you want to change, and feelings of shame or discomfort that may come from judgments you’ve learned about sexuality. We’ll also explore how to pursue sexual pleasure in ways that respect your values, your boundaries, and any agreements you’ve made with a partner.
If you’re partnered, we can address difficulties discussing sex, differences in desire, and concerns about intimacy. When appropriate and with your agreement, your partner may participate in some sessions.
You can feel more comfortable with your sexuality while becoming more confident in your ability to make deliberate choices. You can enjoy sexual pleasure without treating every desire as a problem, and make decisions about your behavior without repeatedly violating your own boundaries or relationship agreements.
What to Expect in Sex Therapy for Porn and Sex Addiction
Understand Your Sexual Behavior So You Can Change It
In our first sessions, I’ll ask about your sexual history, the behaviors you’re concerned about, and how they’ve affected your life. We’ll discuss what you’ve already tried to change, what happened when you tried, and what you want to be different.
I’ll also want to understand what makes the behavior so compelling for you. Maybe you’ve noticed that certain feelings or situations make it harder to resist a certain behavior. Or perhaps you keep making the same decisions even when you know exactly what the consequences could be.
I’ll help you examine what happens before, during, and after those experiences, including the choices you make long before you engage in the behavior. We’ll also explore your sexual desires, relationships, and experiences with sex to understand what may be contributing to the difficulty you’ve had changing.
My experience as an AASECT-certified sex therapist helps me recognize when sexual habits, emotional difficulties, relationship concerns, or conflicts about sexuality need different kinds of attention. That means our work can focus on what’s relevant to your situation rather than relying on the same advice you’ve already tried.
Make Changes That Work for You
Once we understand more about what’s happening, I’ll help you address the difficulties that have made changing your behavior so challenging.
That might involve working through shame that makes you reluctant to be honest, learning how to handle strong feelings without immediately turning to sexual activity, or addressing sexual dissatisfaction and relationship difficulties you’ve been avoiding.
We’ll also identify opportunities to make different decisions before you reach the point where you typically return to the behavior. I’ll work with you on how to respond in those situations, and we’ll discuss what happens when you try those changes outside our sessions.
When something doesn’t go as planned, we’ll examine why. Rather than simply asking you to try harder, I’ll help you understand what happened and what needs to change in our approach.
Sex Therapy for LGBTQIA+ Adults and People in Open Relationships
I have extensive experience working with LGBTQIA+ clients and people in open, polyamorous, and other consensually non-monogamous relationships.
I don’t assume that having multiple sexual partners, enjoying casual sex, using hookup apps, or having unconventional sexual interests means your sexual behavior is unhealthy.
What I want to understand is whether you’re able to make decisions about your sexual activity that are consistent with your intentions, your values, and the agreements you’ve made with partners.
If you’ve broken relationship agreements, we can address that honestly without treating your relationship structure or sexual identity as the problem.
Sex Therapy for Neurodivergent Adults
I’m an autistic therapist who also trains other mental health professionals in working with neurodivergent clients. My teaching includes autism and sexuality, ADHD and executive functioning, sexual and gender diversity, and adapting therapy to neurodivergent people’s needs.
If you’re autistic or have ADHD, I’ll consider how your attention, impulsivity, need for stimulation, routines, sensory experiences, and communication style may affect the sexual behavior you’re trying to change.
I’ll use my experience to develop approaches that fit how you think, communicate, and make decisions. These differences can be important when we’re figuring out why previous attempts haven’t worked and what approaches are likely to be useful for you.
Who is A good fit for Sex and Porn Addiction Therapy?
I work with adults whose pornography use or consensual sexual behavior has become difficult to control and is causing problems in their lives. This can include people who are facing legal consequences related to their sexual behavior, such as an arrest for purchasing sex.
You may be a good fit for therapy with me if:
You’ve tried to stop watching porn, using hookup apps, paying for sex, or engaging in other sexual behaviors, but you keep returning to them.
You’re spending more time or money on sexual activity than you intended, and it’s beginning to interfere with your work, relationships, or other responsibilities.
Your partner has discovered sexual behavior you’ve been hiding, and you’re scared your relationship may not survive another broken promise.
You haven’t been caught, but you’re increasingly worried about what could happen if you continue.
You’re doing things you once told yourself you’d never do, and you’re concerned about where your behavior could lead.
Situations Outside My Clinical Practice
→ I don’t provide specialized treatment for sexual offenses, including sexual assault, rape, voyeurism, child sexual abuse, or offenses involving child sexual abuse material (CSAM). This includes situations where someone hasn’t been arrested or charged.
→ I also don’t provide forensic psychosexual evaluations or prepare reports for legal proceedings.
AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist for Problematic Sexual Behavior
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a licensed therapist since 1988, and I’ve worked with individuals and couples dealing with out-of-control sexual behavior for decades.
Over the years, I’ve worked with people whose sexual behavior has put their relationships, careers, finances, or personal lives at risk. Many have tried repeatedly to stop on their own, sometimes keeping their behavior secret for years before deciding to get help.
As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I bring specialized training in human sexuality to understanding why changing sexual behavior can be so difficult. I’m interested in what makes certain experiences compelling, what keeps someone returning to them, and what needs to change for them to make different decisions.
I help clients understand why they keep returning to sexual behavior they want to change, address what has made previous attempts unsuccessful, and make decisions they can follow through on.
If the description on this page sounded like your situation, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online therapy sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with adult clients in the Hudson Valley and across New York.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
How to get started in sex and porn addiction therapy
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar by clicking the button directly below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you’ll receive new client forms via email, which you’ll review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas Served in the Hudson Valley, New York
I’m independently licensed in New York State as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW #086198). I provide individual sex and porn addiction therapy through secure, HIPAA-compliant video to adults throughout the Hudson Valley.
Communities I serve include:
Dutchess County: Poughkeepsie, Beacon, Fishkill, Wappingers Falls, Hopewell Junction, Hyde Park, Rhinebeck, Red Hook, Millbrook, and Pawling.
Ulster County: Kingston, New Paltz, Woodstock, Saugerties, Stone Ridge, Rosendale, Highland, and Marlboro.
Orange County: Newburgh, New Windsor, Cornwall, Washingtonville, Monroe, Warwick, Goshen, Middletown, and Chester.
Putnam County: Cold Spring, Garrison, Carmel, Brewster, Mahopac, and Patterson.
Rockland County: Nyack, South Nyack, Piermont, Pearl River, Nanuet, New City, Suffern, and Stony Point.
Columbia and Greene Counties: Hudson, Kinderhook, Chatham, Claverack, Catskill, Athens, Coxsackie, and Cairo.
I also work with clients in the Upper Hudson Valley, including Albany and Rensselaer counties, and throughout New York State.
All sessions take place online. You can attend from home or another private location while physically located in New York.
Common Questions about therapy for out-of-control sexual behavior in the Hudson Valley —
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Yes. You can begin individual therapy whether or not your partner wants to participate in couples therapy.
I can help you understand why you repeatedly pursued sexual encounters outside your relationship, including what made it difficult to stop when you had already decided to. We’ll focus on helping you change your behavior and take responsibility for your decisions.
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Yes. It’s possible to genuinely want to stop meeting other people for sex while still missing the excitement of those encounters.
I’ll help you understand what keeps drawing you toward those experiences and develop ways to respond when the desire returns, rather than depending on the fear of another discovery to keep you from acting on it.
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No, I provide therapy through secure, HIPAA-compliant video, so you won’t need to visit a local therapy office or sit in a waiting room where you could encounter someone you know.
I don’t disclose that you’re a client without your authorization, except in circumstances where disclosure is required or permitted by law.
You can attend sessions from a private location where you won’t be overheard. If you have concerns about confidentiality, we can discuss them before your first appointment.
Still Have Questions about therapy for sex and porn addiction?
Use the button below to send me a message. I will respond within 2 business days.