Couples Therapy for Mismatched Sexual Desire & Desire Discrepancy ● AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist ● Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Sex Therapy for Westchester County, NY Couples with Sexual Desire Discrepancy
Online sex therapy for couples in White Plains and Westchester County, New York
Sex therapy for Westchester County and White Plains Couples
Since you and your partner became parents, one of you has wanted sex more often than the other does. Before your first child was born, the difference in sexual desire between you felt small. Now the two of you have sex every few months, and both of you feel the distance.
By 8 pm, the partner who wants less sex has had a toddler on one hip all evening and a baby nursing before bed. When the other partner snuggles up in bed, one more touch feels like too much. Many parents call the feeling “touched out.”
The partner who wants less sex is also keeping track of the pediatrician appointment, the daycare forms, tomorrow’s lunches, and Saturday’s birthday party. Many people can’t feel desire while they’re still thinking about tomorrow’s to-do list. In studies of mothers partnered with men, mothers who did most of the household tasks felt less desire for their partners.
The partner who wants more sex feels guilty for wanting sex when the other partner is so tired. Then another month goes by, and the guilt turns into loneliness.
From the outside, your family looks fine. One of you catches the early Metro-North train from Rye to Grand Central. The other handles school drop-off in Scarsdale before logging on for work. On Saturday morning, both of you stand on the sidelines at soccer in Larchmont. You’re a good team as parents, but the two of you haven’t had sex since the baby’s first birthday.
Desire discrepancy is the clinical name for an ongoing difference in how much sex two partners want.
A difference in desire after having a family is common. There’s hope, even while your children are small. Many parents start enjoying sex together again in sex therapy, and the two of you can, too.
Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW | AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist & Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist
I work with Westchester couples who are raising young children and Want to have sex with each other again.
I’ve been a therapist since 1988, and treating couples with sexual desire discrepancy for the last fifteen years.
I’m an AASECT-certified sex therapist and a certified Gottman Method couples therapist. I also train other therapists: I’m an AASECT Approved Supervisor and a Gottman Method trainer. With both certifications, I can help with your sexual desire discrepancy and your relationship at the same time.
For parents of young children, exhaustion and the mental load of raising a family can affect sexual interest. I’ll assess how those responsibilities, along with physical changes, sexual satisfaction, and relationship concerns, are affecting each of you.
When an unequal division of responsibilities is contributing to the problem, I’ll use my Gottman Method training to help you discuss what needs to change and develop agreements that feel fair to both partners.
I see both of you together because each partner’s experience matters when we're deciding how to address your differences in desire. I’ll help you understand what’s contributing to the difficulty and how it has affected your relationship. When medical or individual concerns need additional attention, I’ll recommend appropriate care alongside our sessions.
Sometimes a medical cause plays a part, too. Breastfeeding, a medication, a hormone change, or a health problem can lower desire. When a medical cause looks likely, I’ll suggest a visit with your doctor alongside our sessions.
Here’s what you can expect from me as your sex therapist:
We talk about sex directly, in plain words, and sex stays at the center of our sessions.
I’ll use what we learn during the assessment to recommend treatment suited to your relationship. That may involve addressing sexual discomfort or changes in arousal, making room for intimacy amid parenting responsibilities, working on relationship concerns, or using structured touch exercises when appropriate. We’ll choose interventions that respect both partners’ comfort and sexual interests.
I take both of your experiences seriously, whether you’re the partner who wants more sex or the partner who wants less. The partner who wants more sex won’t be told that wanting sex is the problem, and the partner who wants less sex won’t be asked to say yes when they don’t want to. Together, we work toward sex you both look forward to.
We meet by secure video, and you’ll both need to be in New York State during each session.
How your relationship changes after sex therapy with me
When differences in sexual desire go unresolved, the hurt and uncertainty around sex can grow.
Your children get older, the schedule gets fuller, and each of you may wonder privately whether the two of you will enjoy sexual intimacy together again.
In our first sessions, I’ll ask how your sexual relationship has changed since becoming parents, what each of you enjoys about sex now, and what has become difficult.
I’ll assess how exhaustion, physical changes, arousal, sexual satisfaction, and relationship concerns are affecting your desire.
I’ll recommend treatment based on what we discover. That could include addressing pain or arousal difficulties, helping you make changes to how you share parenting responsibilities, or introducing structured touch exercises when appropriate.
We’ll review how those changes work for both of you and adjust treatment as needed.
If you’re the partner who wants more sex, you can express your interest without feeling guilty for wanting intimacy. You understand more about what affects your partner’s desire, and you can enjoy sexual experiences that feel genuinely wanted by both of you.
If you’re the partner who wants less sex, you can have time when you’re not responsible for the next feeding, bath, or bedtime. Maybe your partner takes over the children’s evening routine twice a week. You can explore what makes sexual intimacy pleasurable and appealing to you, without feeling that you have to produce desire because your partner has taken on more responsibilities.
After bedtime, a hand on your back feels like affection again.
When sex does come up, the two of you can talk about sex without the conversation turning into the same fight.
On a Saturday night, the kids are asleep by 8, the dishes can wait, and the two of you go upstairs together.
You feel wanted again by the person you’re raising a family with.
Who is a good fit for sex therapy for Couples with desire discrepancy?
Sex therapy for desire discrepancy works best when both partners come to sessions. Both of you also need to want more satisfying sex together.
You don’t have to agree on what caused the desire discrepancy, or feel equally ready to work on the difference. Many couples start with one partner more doubtful than the other. You only need to be willing to try sex therapy together.
I also work with LGBTQIA+ couples, couples in open or polyamorous relationships, and couples where one or both partners are autistic or have ADHD.
If there’s ongoing domestic violence in your relationship, sex therapy isn’t the right place to start. Individual therapy is safer.
A certified sex therapist and couples therapist with more than 15 years treating differences in sexual desire
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a therapist since 1988, and for more than 15 years, I’ve helped couples whose differences in sexual desire have become a source of frustration, hurt, or uncertainty about their relationship.
As both an AASECT-certified sex therapist and a Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist, I bring two areas of specialized training to your treatment. I can assess how sexual desire, arousal, physical health, sexual satisfaction, and relationship difficulties influence one another, including concerns that aren’t immediately obvious to either partner.
Couples can spend years trying to improve their sexual relationship without understanding why their desires differ. I’ll help you identify what’s contributing to the problem and address those issues so you can build a sexual relationship that feels satisfying to both of you.
If the description on this page sounded like your relationship, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online Sex Therapy sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples across Westchester, White Plains, and the rest of New York State.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. Extended sessions (3+ hours) are available for couples who want to make faster progress.
I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
How to get started in sex therapy
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar using the button below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you and your partner will receive new client forms via email, which you’ll both review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas Served in Westchester County, New York
I’m licensed in New York as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW #086198), and I work with couples by secure, HIPAA-compliant video across Westchester County.
Along Long Island Sound, I see couples in New Rochelle, Pelham, Larchmont, Mamaroneck, Rye, Rye Brook, Port Chester, and Harrison.
In central Westchester, I see couples in Yonkers, White Plains, Scarsdale, Eastchester, Bronxville, and Ardsley.
Along the Hudson, I also see couples in Hastings-on-Hudson, Dobbs Ferry, Irvington, Tarrytown, Sleepy Hollow, Briarcliff Manor, and Croton-on-Hudson.
In northern Westchester, I see couples in Chappaqua, Pleasantville, Armonk, Mount Kisco, Bedford, Katonah, Pound Ridge, Lewisboro, Somers, and Yorktown.
If you’re anywhere in Westchester, I can work with you.
Questions about sex therapy for Westchester Couples with desire discrepancy —
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Yes. I see clients Monday through Wednesday, between 11am and 5pm Eastern Time, so you can book a session while the kids are at school or daycare.
You and your partner don’t have to be in the same room. One of you can join from home and the other from work. You’ll both sign on to the same secure video link.
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Yes. We can talk about how the treatment schedule affects sex between the two of you. We can also plan time for touch and sex that has nothing to do with getting pregnant.
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I’m not in-network with any insurance company, and I don’t provide superbills for couples sessions. If you have a FSA or HSA card, you’re welcome to use it for our sessions.
Still have Questions about sex therapy for desire discrepancy?
Please contact me using the button below. I will respond within 2 business days.