Couples Therapy for Mismatched Sexual Desire & Desire Discrepancy ● AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist ● Practicing Therapy Since 1988
Sex Therapy for Tampa Couples with Differences in Sexual Desire
Online sex therapy for Florida couples in Tampa, St. Petersburg, and across the Tampa Bay Area
Mismatched sexual desire: Sex therapy for Tampa couples
You and your partner are raising kids together, and most days, the two of you make a good team. But since you became parents, one of you has wanted sex more often than the other does, and the difference in sexual desire has started to build resentment on both sides.
One of you keeps track of more of the family’s schedule: the next well-child visit, who needs a ride to practice, and what everyone will eat on Thursday night. After bedtime, the partner keeping the list is still thinking about tomorrow.
If you’re the partner who wants less sex, you’ve spent the day meeting everyone’s needs, and by bedtime, more physical touch can feel like one more demand. When sex comes up at the end of a long day of parenting, you feel pressured, and you’re frustrated that sex has become another item on a list you already manage.
If you’re the partner who wants more sex, you miss being close to your partner in a way your children never see. You’ve tried waiting until the kids are asleep and asking gently, and you still hear no most nights. After months of hearing no, your disappointment has turned into resentment, and you aren’t sure how to bring up your feelings without starting a fight.
You still enjoy your family together. On a Saturday morning, the two of you sit together in the shade at Julian B. Lane Riverfront Park while your children run through the splash pad.
At home that night, the partner who wants less sex has carried a child around all day and feels what parents online call “touched out.” As children get older, the reasons change, such as a field trip form to sign or a teenager awake down the hall.
Desire discrepancy is the clinical name for an ongoing difference in how much sex two partners want.
Raising kids doesn’t have to mean waiting until they leave home to enjoy sex again. There’s hope. With sex therapy, many parents start enjoying sex together again, and the two of you can, too.
Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW | AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist & Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist
I help Tampa couples who are raising kids enjoy sex together again.
For more than fifteen years, I’ve helped couples understand what’s contributing to their differences in sexual desire and address the difficulties affecting their sexual relationship.
When the difference in sexual desire builds tension between two busy parents, the two of you can start feeling disconnected from each other during the rest of the day, which is why I use training that addresses both sex and your relationship.
As a sex therapist certified by AASECT, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, I treat low desire and other problems with sex, including changes in desire after babies. As a certified Gottman Method couples therapist, I help partners replace criticism and defensiveness with calmer ways to raise a complaint, using an approach built on research with couples.
I also train other therapists, as an AASECT Approved Supervisor and a Gottman Method trainer, and I combine sex therapy with the Gottman Method throughout our sessions.
I meet with you both because I want to understand each partner’s experience, including the resentment that has developed around sex. I’ll help you discuss what it feels like to spend the day meeting your children’s needs and what months of wanting more sexual intimacy have been like for your partner.
I’ll also assess what’s contributing to your differences in desire, including exhaustion, changes in arousal or sexual satisfaction, physical health, and relationship difficulties. I’ll use what we learn to decide which concerns need treatment and how to address them.
Here’s what you can expect from me as your sex therapist:
We talk about sex directly, in plain words, and sex stays at the center of our sessions.
I’ll recommend treatment based on what we discover during your assessment. That may include addressing concerns about sexual pleasure or arousal, working on relationship difficulties, making adjustments to how you share parenting responsibilities, or using structured touch exercises when appropriate. Both partners’ comfort and sexual interests will guide our approach.
I take both of your experiences seriously, whether you’re the partner who wants more sex or the partner who wants less. The partner who wants more sex won’t be told that wanting sex is the problem, and the partner who wants less sex won’t be asked to say yes when they don’t want to. Together, we work toward sex you both look forward to.
We meet by secure video, and you’ll both need to be in Florida during each session.
How your relationship changes after sex therapy with me
Without the right support, resentment on both sides can grow, and the two of you may start to snap at each other about dishes and bedtime.
In our sessions, I help each of you describe the difference in sexual desire without blaming your partner.
From my couples therapy training, I teach you to spot criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling in your interactions, and to use the antidote to each one.
Instead of “You never want me,” the partner who wants more sex might say, “I miss being close to you. Could we have time alone this weekend?” Instead of “All you think about is sex,” the partner who wants less sex might say, “I’m worn out tonight. Could you finish bedtime so I can rest?”
I’ll also assess how parenting responsibilities, exhaustion, sexual satisfaction, arousal, and physical health are affecting each of you. If an unequal share of the household mental load is contributing to the difficulties between you, I’ll help you develop agreements about those responsibilities that feel fair to both partners.
For example, one partner might take responsibility for the children’s activities and the weekly grocery order, giving the other more time to rest and enjoy activities outside parenting. That change can improve the circumstances for intimacy without creating an expectation of sex.
I’ll select sexual interventions based on what we discover during the assessment. If pressure around physical affection has become a concern, structured touch exercises may help. If other sexual or relationship concerns need attention, we’ll address those directly.
After each session, you take home one specific step. At our next session, we talk about how the week went, and if a step went badly, I help you work out what got in the way and change the plan. For example, if the two of you planned time alone after bedtime and a sick child woke up twice, we might move the step to a weekend afternoon when the kids are at a friend’s house or to an evening when a grandparent can watch them. Then we choose the next step together.
If you’re the partner who wants more sex, you can bring up sexual intimacy without starting a fight.
You understand more about what affects your partner’s desire, and you can enjoy sexual experiences that feel genuinely wanted and satisfying to both of you.
If you’re the partner who wants less sex, you get help with the family’s mental load, and sex stops feeling like one more task on a long to-do list.
You have more opportunities to explore what makes sexual intimacy appealing and pleasurable for you, whether that involves an hour to yourself before bed, a night when your partner handles bedtime, or changes to the sexual activities you share.
You can say yes when you genuinely want sex and no when you don’t, without feeling that your partner’s help with parenting creates an obligation to have sex.
Who is a good fit for sex therapy for Couples with desire discrepancy?
Sex therapy for desire discrepancy works best when both partners attend sessions and both want a more satisfying sex life together.
You don’t have to agree on what caused the desire gap or feel equally motivated to close it. You only need to be willing to try.
I also work with couples where one or both partners are autistic and/or have ADHD, and LGBTQIA+ and polyamorous or open-relationship couples and individuals, since standard sex therapy frameworks were built on neurotypical, heterosexual, monogamous, cisgendered assumptions that don’t fit every relationship.
If there’s ongoing domestic violence in your relationship, sex therapy isn’t the right starting place; individual therapy is safer.
A certified sex therapist and couples therapist with more than 15 years treating differences in sexual desire
I’m Kate McNulty, LCSW, LICSW
I’ve been a therapist since 1988, and for more than 15 years, I’ve helped couples whose differences in sexual desire have become a source of frustration, hurt, or uncertainty about their relationship.
As both an AASECT-certified sex therapist and a Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist, I bring two areas of specialized training to your treatment. I can assess how sexual desire, arousal, physical health, sexual satisfaction, and relationship difficulties influence one another, including concerns that aren’t immediately obvious to either partner.
Couples can spend years trying to improve their sexual relationship without understanding why their desires differ. I’ll help you identify what’s contributing to the problem and address those issues so you can build a sexual relationship that feels satisfying to both of you.
If the description on this page sounded like your relationship, I’d like to help.
Logistics
Pricing, scheduling, and online sex therapy sessions
All sessions are conducted by secure, HIPAA-compliant video. I work with couples across Tampa, the Tampa Bay area, and the rest of Florida.
Sessions are private pay, billed at $500 per hour and $750 for 90-minute sessions. Extended sessions (3+ hours) are available for couples who want to make faster progress.
I am not in-network with insurance and cannot bill them directly. For more information about pricing, please see the pricing page.
How to get started in sex therapy
To schedule your first appointment, please choose a day and time on my secure, HIPAA-compliant calendar using the button below.
After I approve your request, typically within one business day, you and your partner will receive new client forms via email, which you’ll both review and digitally sign before we meet.
Areas served in Tampa and the Tampa Bay area
I’m registered as an Out-of-State Telehealth Provider with the Florida Department of Health (registration #TPSW16), which allows me to work with couples across Tampa and the Tampa Bay area by secure, HIPAA-compliant video.
In Tampa, I see couples in Hyde Park, Davis Islands, Palma Ceia, Beach Park, and New Tampa.
Elsewhere in Hillsborough County, I see couples in Westchase, Keystone, Lutz, FishHawk, Apollo Beach, and Riverview.
In Pasco County, I see couples in Wesley Chapel, Trinity, and Odessa.
In Pinellas County, I see couples in St. Petersburg, St. Pete Beach, and Safety Harbor.
If you’re anywhere in Hillsborough, Pasco, or Pinellas County, I can work with you.
Common Questions About Sex Therapy for Tampa Bay area Couples with Desire Discrepancy —
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Yes. You don’t need to wait until the kids are older or out of the house. In our sessions, we build a plan that fits the time and energy the two of you have now, such as time alone after bedtime, during a toddler’s nap, or while a teenager is at practice.
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Yes, for both of you. If you’re the partner who wants less sex, I won’t push you into sex you don’t want. We look at what drains your energy for sex, and we work toward sex you want to have, at a pace that feels okay to you.
If you’re the partner who wants more sex, wanting sex with your partner while you raise a family together is normal, and I take your experience as seriously as your partner’s. We work on how to bring up sex without starting a fight and how to hear no and still feel close to your partner.
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Yes. For example, one of you can join from an office in Miami and the other from home. You’ll both sign on to the same secure video link.
Each of you will need a private space and a reliable internet connection.
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No. I’m not in-network with any insurance company, and I don’t provide Superbills for couples sessions. You’re welcome to use your HSA or FSA card for our sessions.
Still have Questions about sex therapy for desire discrepancy?
Please contact me using the button below. I will respond within 2 business days.